I am not your average geek.

My Top 25 Fantasy Fucks, or Why the World Needs More Gay Asian Tops

2009-08-27T15:01:32Z

Unfortunately, I still have a virgin ass *ehem AVAILABLE ehem* but despite my passivity at times, I am definitely an aggressive gay Asian top (or if you’re really hot, we could do flip-flops instead). Well, I think the title’s pretty self-explanatory. I got the idea from thehumpyoucrew LJ community but made it 25 instead of 20. Pick 25 people (actors/actresses, politicians, band members, people you know in real life, even TV show/movie/book characters for all I care) you fantasize of having sex with or want to have sex with. I didn’t pick any people I know in real life for obvious reasons.

I’d appreciate it if you give a comment. Say yes if this list makes you feel horny, if it makes your penis erect or (for the women) if it gives you a girl boner. Say no if it doesn’t do anything for you.

25. Justin Theroux- He’s hot specifically in his role as the villain in Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle (completely forgot about the suckass plot of the movie but it’s impossible to forget that scene of him all sweaty around that fire and fighting against the angelic trio). Oh yeah, lick that tattoo of yours, flex those muscles of yours, speak in that fake yet hot accent, lick those rings you so fucking want, stroke yourself, oh yeah that’s the stuff!

24. Charlotte Rampling as Lucia in The Night Porter- I really hated The Night Porter (mostly because of Dirk Bogarde’s assholiness and the film’s political incorrectness) but I really only watched the movie to see a younger Charlotte Rampling in an outfit that resembles one of a dominatrix I can only lust for her if she’s in that outfit she wears for the Nazis and only if she has a whip. It’s only going to work if she puts a strap-on and fucks me and if she spanks and whips me while doing it.

23. Jeremy Irons as the Mantle (mental) twins in Dead Ringers- As one person, he isn’t that hot but if you add a duplicate copy of him (through camera techniques), then you’ve got a feast. In this twisted fantasy of mine, they as twins make out with each other, suck my cock at the same time and fuck each other in front of me. Oh, I’m getting a girl boner. Sick but hey, it’s a fantasy and he has no twin in real life.

22. Yukio Mishima (my essential non-Filipino Asian pick)- I only knew about him from the film Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters but the picture below with him all tied-up is pretty much a reason enough for him to be in my fuckables list. I am getting ideas from this picture. I’ll be the hunter and he’ll be the prey. I’ll tie him up against a tree and I’ll just do whatever the heck I want with that body of his (lick it, blow him, spread some food all over his body, fuck him for all you care).

21. Henry Fonda’s character Charles Pike in The Lady Eve- His orgasmic state while his cheek leans against Barbara’s cheek just wants to make me cum. My dreamboy of course is someone who can be very passive only whenever I want him to: someone shy like me and naive unlike me, someone like Charles Pike in The Lady Eve and The Lady Eve is of course the film that I wished I would have made. I’ll be Barbara Stanwyck’s character. I’ll try to torture him mercilessly by, you know, leaving him at the moment when he gets all horny and play games with him where I’m always the one in control.

20. Denis Lavant’s character in Beau Travail- Why should he lust over a fugly skinhead when he can lust over me instead and I can reciprocate his feelings? Those dance moves in the end + those flexing muscles + those gymnastic moves= a fucking god in bed.

19. STEVE OF BLUES CLUES- Fuck that Patton guy who replaced him. HOTTIE STEVE’S THE ONLY REASON WHY WE EVEN BOTHERED WATCHING FUCKING BLUES CLUES. And from the looks at the pic below, it looks like he’s pretty much into anything with that thumbs up of his. How about some watersports, Steve? How about an orgy, Steve? How about a bukkake, Steve? See, he’s all for it.

18. Christopher Gorham- One of the reasons to fully enjoy Ugly Betty and the only reason to watch that cheesy show Popular. In my sex dreams, he has his eyeglasses on, he’s on top (I’ll make an exception), he’s buck naked with only his necktie on and while he fucks me, I keep pulling him by his tie. Oh my, I’m about to cum.

17. Mae West (my gay icon pick)- ‘Cause we all like big butts and we cannot lie; you other brothers can’t deny. And we all love sassy and clever women. I’ll only feel orgasmic if I am among her boylets and we all have a group orgy, and I also get to get my hands on the other guys’ pants. It’s all good.

16. Ross Schwimmer (inarguably THE ONLY HOT GUY IN FRIENDS)- No to those who still want to argue, Chandler’s a douchebag and Joey can definitely get rid of some of his fats (even though I also like beefy men). I know he seems like a nerd but even with that half-tan of his in that episode, he’s still fuckable.

15. Woody Allen (my Jewish guy pick as well as my director pick)- Two birds in one stone (No, I am no animal killer). Make it three birds since he’s also my geek pick (Animal rights activists are going to get mad at me). Anyway, I know most of you hate him for having a lot of relationships with women despite being geeky but he does have sex appeal (not to mention wit and charm). Of course, he does prefer women but hey it’s my fucking fantasy and I can have anyone I want to. I wonder if he’ll think of sex with me as a Kafkaesque experience (I dunno even if that’s good or bad).

14. Java, that hot guy from Un Chant D’amour- He’s so dreamy. I wouldn’t be surprised if he and the other actors in the film were any of Jean Genet’s lovers. The way they share those cigarette smokes between walls, the way they erotically dance and stroke themselves, it just makes me want to go to prison, (as Michael puts it) “drop the soap and be the belle of the ball”.

13. Brent Everett (my porn actor pick and my twink pick)- The guilty pleasure of them all. He’s already 25 and he’s still a HOT TWINKIE! We’ll make a sex tape (since that’s how he enjoys it), I’ll kiss those kissable lips and mess up that hair of his and we’re going to have some rough sex. He’s definitely the only one in this list whom I am certain that’s game for pretty much anything I ask him to.

12. Coco Martin- the Pinoy guy in those Pinoy “indie” and gay flicks and one of the only few hot non-teen idol Pilipino actors out there. Since he most likely has a smaller wiener than mine and since he can’t get boners over men, he’s definitely going to be the bottom. I must watch Masahista and Jay just for the eye candy.

11. Dennis Trillo- Another twinkie, and this time he’s a Filipino one. He’s my pretty boy pick. Since he seems like the guy whom the guys in prison will find good-looking and fuckable and since he’s pretty much the toy of the Filipino commercial industry, he’s going to be my prisoner. He’ll be naked in all chains and bondage, and I’ll be the dominatrix. He’ll be the one whom I’ll punish for all the misogyny in this world. And when he gets all pouty and all, I wouldn’t be able to resist and we’ll just have gentler sex.

10. STEVE CARELL(!)- This is not even a joke. If you don’t think that he oozes with sexuality, you’re in self-denial and you’re denying yourself the pleasure of admiring that meaty body of his. Although he’s a jerk in The Office, a sexually repressed homo in Little Miss Sunshine and a loser in pretty most of his movies, he’s hot in the most unconventional way. For sick foreplay, I am going to wax some of his chest hair off and just keep the right amount of it. And his business suit in The Office is giving me more ideas.

9. Jake Shears of Scissor Sisters (my gay guy pick and my member-of-a-band pick)- Although I could have easily picked Babydaddy as my bear pick and my daddy pick or Del Marquis, I still choose Shears for his sexy voice (which would help when he talks dirty during sex) and for the reason that I am definitely a lead singer groupie. If I am still not convincing, see: music video of Filthy/Gorgeous. Wonder what he’s got under that towel, rarrrrr.

8. Deborah Kara Unger- I think she’s the only woman I can have sex with alone without any guys around as long as she does it the way she did at one scene in the movie Crash with James Spader (the 1996 one by David Cronenberg, you dickhead) where she imagines him having sex with the other guy Elias Koteas and describes it, like this “Would you like to sodomize him? Would you like to put your penis right into his anus, thrust it up his anus? How would you kiss him in that car? Describe how you’d reach over and unzip his greasy jeans, then take out his penis. Would you kiss it or suck it right away? Which hand would you hold it in? Have you ever sucked a penis? Do you know what semen tastes like? Have you ever tasted semen? Some semen is saltier than others. Vaughan’s semen must be very salty…” FUCKING HOT!

7. Aamir Khan- aside from Lagaan being so cheesy yet entertaining, another reason to endure the three hours of Bollywood musical-cum-sports fun: to savor the Indian goodness that is Bollywood star Aamir Khan. Seriously, I have a thing for hot Indian men. Now if only I had more access to cheesy yet fun Bollywood movies and arthouse Indian films of the 1950s to 1970s, I would be in paradise.

6. Colin Clive- I think I am the only one who appreciates the hotness that is Colin Clive, probably James Whale’s boytoy (I’d like to think so). There’s really nothing hotter than sexually repressed gay men in the early 20th century. He might not know everything there is to know about sex but I’ll be glad to teach him a thing or two. With that sexy voice of his, we can practically just talk dirty to each other and fondle, and I’ll be cumming all over the place.

5. Jon Stewart- my politics pick and my old daddy pick. Come on, you all know he’s mighty sexy even with that gray hair of his; he’s one of the only few that are not well-built and, well, not young, whom I can say is so fucking sexy. Even if he’s no bear with no beard and probably no chest hair, he can fulfill my Oedipus complex (if we do really have one).

4. El Hedi ben Salem- that black dude from Ali: Fear Eats the Soul (my black guy pick)- He’s black so, you know what they say, he’s most likely to have a big cock. Whoever says that size doesn’t matter has a small penis, okay? While watching Ali: Fear Eats the Soul, I just kept fantasizing that I was the old woman having a relationship with him. While watching Fox and His Friends, I just wanted to see him naked again and at least making out with Rainer Werner Fassbinder. I just couldn’t help grabbing myself while watching some of his scenes in Fassbinder’s movies. Fassbinder really knows how to please the gays.

3. Zachary Quinto- my unshaven thick-eyebrowed pick. To everyone who keeps teasing about my thick eyebrows XD, thick eyebrows can be pretty hot too, you know. No, I am not into psychopaths. I am into sweaty hairy geeky well-built psychotic people though XD. I’ll just rip his T-shirt off… let him blow me with his unshaven face and facial hair… suck his nipples off… and just let him fuck me until he comes… Ahhhh… I really do need to get laid as soon as possible.

2. Rock Hudson- my neat closeted guy pick and the only reason to wish that I was Doris Day or preferably Jane Wyman. If I were in the same generation as him and if I were in the same league as him, I’d show him all the glorious things of being an openly and sexually liberated gay man (by that I mean, all the free gay sex he can have with me).

1. Brad Davis as Querelle- a pickpocketing drug-dealing amoral masculine hot badass sailor who is willing to have it in the ass in a steamy and suffocating environment. Sign me up as a sailor, and I’ll never set foot on land again with Brad Davis in his seductive sailor suit always around. I have discovered my fetish for sailors after watching Querelle.

Didn’t make the cut:
* Jeff Goldblum- supposed to be my Jewish guy pick; still hot as heck though
* Julian Rios- my porn actor pick but he makes me seem hypocritical about my opinions about straight porn
* David Bowie- he oozes with sex that no one else in this list will be able to compare to him.
* Lucy Liu- I couldn’t find a picture of hers in that dominatrix suit of hers in Charlie’s Angels
* Buster Keaton- I couldn’t find a really sexy picture of his
* Mohinder Suresh- supposed to be my Indian guy pick but we’ve enough of Heroes, haven’t we?
* John Tartaglia- that guy from Avenue Q
* Neil Patrick Harris- he’s a homo too! we’ll get stoned, imagine unicorns and have great gay butt sex
* Julianne Moore- “Are you my mom?” (Rollergirl from Boogie Nights)
* Alain Delon- supposed to be my French pretentiousness pick. SEE PURPLE NOON!
* Marcello Mastroianni- I wanted to have an Italian guy in the list but no space for him, sorry. I wouldn’t seem so shallow with him on the list though.

The revolution is my boyfriend.

2009-08-11T01:38:17Z

We went to the USA again this year and we just arrived from New York yesterday. I could write tons of paragraphs about my complaints and the things I had to deal with during our trip but I won't waste your precious time. It's just that my mom forgot to purchase tickets for returning back to Toronto so we spent a great deal of time finding where to buy tickets back to Toronto, and I had a couple of arguments with my parents as usual. It can't be avoided when I am very frank and irritating and when my parents are very hot-tempered. Here are only a few of my thoughts while I was in New York.

* Apparently of all Hollywood classic movie stars the most well-known and infamous are Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn and Elvis Presley...? You can tell by how many times you'll see their photos and portraits in New York souvenir stores, etc, and they're the only ones you'll see or notice. I guess that's because they're more of icons really to the masses. I mean, I bet most people who know and adore them haven't even watched The Seven Year Itch, Two for the Road or Jailhouse Rock. Occasionally, you might see a James Dean on one but that's rare. I didn't even see a portrait of Judy Garland who is adored by millions and is also a gay icon (to me, she's overrated even with her The Wizard of Oz).
* There's a Red Ribbon store at New Jersey, and it has dinuguan, sago't gulaman, palabok, arroz caldo, chicken teriyaki, etc. in its menu along with the sweets and cakes they sell. Yum. And there are more branches in California (well since, I guess, there are a lot of Pilipinos there).
* I've just seen those Philippine sweets I have been craving for for such a long time at a Filipino-American store. They're those walnut-sugary-brownish thingies XD (I suck at describing things) that my uncle and aunt usually bring back home whenever they go to Iloilo. I found some but they cost $9 US dollars (that's how cheap I am even if I want something so badly) so I didn't even bother buying them although I do regret not buying any. I'll just wait for when my parents go back to the Philippines next year and ask for some from my aunt and uncle.
* I found out that there's a Jollibee franchise at Queens, New York after leaving New York, ugh. I wanted to pig out on most of the food in their menu. That's how much I miss the Philippines. I want to go back; I feel homesick even though I just went exactly a year ago.
* Dunkin' Donuts at the US! After tasting them once again after 5 years or more, I remember that I preferred Mister Donut over Dunkin' Donuts. Mmmm... those powdered mini-donuts with that yellow cream on the inside. Too bad, Dunkin' Donuts don't have those; only Mister Donut does. Boo. But I think I got easily tired of Dunkin' Donuts after eating my share :P.
* Donald Trump should be erased from the face of the earth along with his reality TV show, his image and his corporate businesses, and there should be no more memory left in the minds of the masses of that rich old geezer's face. His business properties should all be burned to ashes and at least a quarter of the evil of this world will disappear along with his businesses.
* The New York's subway is hell, well at first at least. If you think the TTC is confusing, get a load of New York's maze-like subway. It almost seems like a snakes-and-ladders game if you put it together with the map of New York. I guess once you get used to it, it's not that complicated.
* I was so excited to watch a musical at New York but couldn't get to watch one because it's too expensive and I had no one to go with. My sister suddenly changed my mind and didn't want to go watch with me, telling me that I should go watch one when I go back there with my friends and when I have a real job and enough money. By that time, I don't think there will still be showings of Avenue Q and Billy Elliot, the ones that I want to watch so badly.

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I enjoyed every fucking second of The Raspberry Reich.

Why wouldn't I when the film is semi-pornographic and propagandistic? It has almost everything I want in a movie: gay pornography, hot guys who are usually fully naked and making out with each other, a woman exploiting her boyfriend to have sex with another man, funny lines, kind-of-bad yet amusing acting performances, gay revolutionary terrorists, and ideals and beliefs shared by both the characters and myself. I just literally grabbed my balls while watching it XD. My heart, my mind and my cock all appreciate this movie, and that's a good sign. Director Bruce LaBruce is today's John Waters and Kenneth Anger <3.

And no, it's not just a gay pornographic film. The gay sex (and even the heterosexual sex at the beginning) is just part of it, really. It's even included in the foreign section of the video store I usually go to even though it's in English :P. I want to have a copy of the film so I can jerk off to it whenever I want to <3. I am going to download it to my USB; I had found a link in the Internet.

"No revolution without sexual revolution. No sexual revolution without homosexual revolution. Join the homosexual intifada!"

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The director of Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Pretty in Pink, The Breakfast Club, Home Alone and Planes Trains and Automobiles, John Hughes, died last Thursday. To tell you the truth, I haven't watched any of his movies besides his Home Alone movies. Yes, it's a shock that I haven't even completely seen The Breakfast Club and only watched parts of it. And I have watched a part of Ferris Bueller's Day Off with my mind not exactly focusing on the film itself but even if I probably watched them now, I'd feel indifferent to them or at least they wouldn't give that much of an effect to me as it did to other teens.

I bet HMV's going to sell temporarily a few weeks after his recent death John Hughes' movies for $4-$8 dollars. That's what they did when Paul Newman died. His movies The Verdict, Cool Hand Luke, etc. for 6 dollars each. That's how I got a chance to watch them (the hypocritical me).

I have a bad case of the Lady GaGa addiction. I can't stop listening to her songs Poker Face, Paparazzi and Just Dance. I am not proud of it but it must be told :P.

Stay tuned, boppers.

2009-07-28T01:41:13Z

Yes, Jeanne Dielman 23 Quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles is going to have its Criterion release. That's a good thing since it's never been, I believe, released in Region 1 DVD format. Yehey, even though I will probably get to watch it by next year when it isn't a new release anymore (to rent it for a dollar less XD).

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I bought a hamster for Grace for her birthday and another one for myself. Mine's Monty (due to my lack of originality or creativity) and hers is Oreo (even though it's not even black). And Dad prefers calling the hamsters Kuchu and Kurukutuk respectively >_<. Aww, they are so adorable that Grace keeps taking pictures of them, filling up the memory card with loads of hamster photos (kind of annoying). And I feel neurotic everytime I notice that the hamsters are just staying in a corner, passive, thinking that they might be sick.

My hamster has the opposite traits of mine: active, quick, alert, and with a heightened sense of smell. And Grace's hamster is more timid, more sleepy, and more inactive, the opposite of Grace's personality although both are still intimidated by us, I think. It's actually better to have other living things among us at home, other than those creepy centipedes, crawling spiders, the occasional flies, and Dad's beloved plants. Imagine what happens when I accidentally hit any of his precious plants...

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I went out with some of my workmates including two managers XD. That was actually the first time I've been out with any of my workmates. We just went to some restaurant by Wellesley and Church (one of Toronto's gay communities <3, first time I've actually been there too, huh). Also, it's the first time I ever drank tequila. And they could tell since I didn't know how to take a shot, drinking it slowly and sipping the lemon dipped with salt first before actually drinking. Oh well, it was okay. For fun, I got to see my workmates act like drunkards or pretend to be drunk, I really can't tell. I didn't get drunk since I only had two shots of tequila and I only drank a strawberry colada (kind of wimpy of me but really fucking delicious). But I hate it how one shot costs 5 bucks. Wow, expensive and really not worth it. Our bill went up to $180.00 because of just fucking 14 shots (which cost 70 dollars). We had to divide the payment of the bill to the five of us and I had to pay 34 dollars for my share when I only had two shots, fuck.

I need to get out more.

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After them talking about a gay workmate who apparently loves men with big cocks...
Person A: "Aanhin naman niya yun? Anong gagawin niya kung malaki man?" (What is he going to do with it if they do have big dicks?")
Person B: "Ewan ko nga e. Dati, tinanong ko sa boyfriend ko paano nag-sesex ang dalawang lalake. Sabi niya, nag-eespadahan." (I don't know, I asked my boyfriend once how do guys have sex with each other. Then he said, they do it in a sword combat-like manner.")

Of course, I'm just paraphrasing here but that's basically what they said. Then, they remember of my "gay presence" there and didn't want to offend me (imagine how people talk about it behind my back then) and then ask me if I have done it or if I was still a virgin (which I unfortunately still am).

I just hate how people can be so fucking ignorant of homosexuality. Then again, we are all ignorant of cultures different to ours. People can unawarely and cluelessly say things in front of me that actually offend me. I just try to smile and go along with it when I know I should be saying something. I just keep hearing shit coming out from others and I just keep bottling it up. It's enough that I have to deal with homophobic slurs (usually not directed to me but still quite offensive) everyday.

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Gay men have their Dorothy. Black men have their Shaft and Sweetback. And all men have their James Bond.

Notice how women don't have their versions of James Bond. Men get to have their own icons, strong kick-ass guys they can look up to and inspire or just dream to be. They have Rambo, Indiana Jones, Rocky, Superman (and most alpha-male and macho characters), most of Arnold Schwarzenegger's characters, almost every character depicted by Marlon Brando especially his character in The Godfather, etc., all of them not exactly very positive images to look up to: misogynist, womanizing, very violent and hot-tempered, masculine, homophobic and/or macho. Sure, women have their Ripley (of Alien), Clarice Starling (Silence of the Lambs), Thana (Ms. 45) , Coffy, Foxy Brown, Cleopatra Jones, and Lady Snowblood but they aren't really icons, not that well-known, and very few and paling in comparison to James Bond, his "cool" style, his appalling popularity with the mainstream audience, and his dreadfully countless movies and merchandise. And the Charlie's Angels are not enough. And next to those kick-ass women, they have the icons that are the likes of Dorothy of The Wizard of Oz and Marilyn Monroe. Eek. Oh God, help me.

If men have James Bond, women should have an icon similar to him: a nonchalant and cool woman with a signature style, a penchant for having love affairs with different men (a different one in each of her movie installments), spy skills that match the Charlie's Angels' and James Bond's, etc. If you say that we are all equal in today's society, then why the fuck don't women still have their own version of James Bond?

I think you've got something there, but I'll wait outside until you clean it up.

2009-05-20T00:50:56Z

The petals of the beautiful tulips on our small garden in front of our home are now falling after the short blossom of those tulips that lasted for only 2 weeks or so :(.

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Yehey for the 1.5x pay yesterday because it was a holiday yesterday (Victoria Day). But I was so pissed off working at McDonalds yesterday. I was working at the lobby, that's why. I had wanted to just call in sick but I thought that I sure could use some of that 54 dollars I could earn by just working for 4 hours even if working at the lobby is always a pain in the butt, listening to annoying people conversing while eating, cleaing those inconsiderate pigs' messes on the top of their tables, dealing with customers' stupid and shallow complaints, etc. People really have no consideration, such pigs, just leaving their messy trays on their tables when it's actually their responsibility to also keep the public place clean and throw their food at the nearby garbage bins (They don't need to walk far to just throw them, you know) while I had to clean everything at the lobby all by myself. I half-regretted my decision of coming in to work but at the end of the day, I was just glad that I had been done with it all.

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SUIKODEN VI! SUIKODEN VI! When will you ever be released? It's been three years since the release of Suikoden VI and there has been no news about it, not even about which game console will it be released in. I mean, video game fans like being teased. Even with just some screenshots, a short clip of a battle scene to show the game's gameplay, or just a short yet eye-grabbing trailer. It wouldn't really hurt their sales if they just tried to please their fans (including me of course). That's how Final Fantasy is so famous, even amongst non-avid video gamers. Sure, they take a long time to create a new game but they know how to satisfy their fans with their flashy trailers and shit, and I think they plan to continue until they reach Final Fantasy 50th(?). I am really more of a Suikoden fan, having played Suikoden I-V and its spin-offs Suikoden Tactics and Suikoden Tierkreis. And Suikoden has more kick-ass women than Final Fantasy. Cathari, Lucretia, Kika, Sierra, Wakaba, Nei, anyone? Odessa! Why weren't you a Star of Destiny and why did you have to die? You would have made Suikoden I greater if you were a SoD, huhuhu.

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Yes, true, I volunteer from 8:00 to 4:00 am. I know, that's eight hours of working yet not getting paid, not that the stuff I do is complicated stuff that I need to get paid for it. But I don't actually use that whole time volunteering. I get a 1-hour lunch break and sometimes, I abuse their kindness by having a 2-hour lunch break :P, not that they complain or have any problems with it. And most of the time, I just wait for them to give me some stuff to do since they're usually busy and haven't prepared any tasks for me to do, which is honestly annoying since I could do something else better and more interesting with my time. Of course, they wouldn't trust a volunteer, one who has no real work experience, to help with their accounting/financial stuff so I am usually asked to do the simplest tasks that hinder them from dealing them with their main work (checking the mileage, recording entries that were billed, filing, photocopying papers, faxing, etc.).

Awww, I miss sleeping late, waking up late, bumming out, just watching movies/TV series episodes or playing video games, and jerking off everyday during vacation. Now I only get to do those things less and I do still sleep late yet I still have to wake up very early because most of my time is wasted (Yes, you heard me, wasted) on work and volunteering. What a wonderful vacation!

For laughs, I am listening to You Sexy Thing right now XD. I believe in miracles since you came along, you sexy thing XD.

You've been a naughty boy, and you ought to be spanked.

2009-05-15T23:05:35Z

I wanted to blog earlier but I kept postponing it. And two weeks ago, I got really sick. I had a high fever for a couple of days but had irritating cold and cough for the whole week. This also had to happen when I went to the dentist for a surgery to remove my wisdom teeth. So basically, I was feeling cold, I had to eat it ice cream to numb the pain on my teeth but I also needed to eat warmer food for my fever and cold even though I was not capable of eating solid food for a couple of days because of the wisdom teeth operation, and I was not supposed to eat anything cold since I did have cold and cough. And my teeth was bleeding for a day or so.

While I was having a lot of phlegm on my throat and a serious cough, I watched Sick: The Life and Death of Bob Flanagan, Supermasochist. Oh boy, that is an awesome documentary film. I couldn't help but think that my illness of the moment wasn't as serious as Bob Flanagan's sickness had been. I shouldn't feel so sorry for myself all the time.

Even though Bob Flanagan is a masochist and loves doing all sorts of eccentric, or rather unconventional, sexual activities with his partner, Sheree Rose, who inflicts the pain on him and dominates him (Bob being peed on, beeing pooped on, and hammering a nail on his penis and pulling it off afterwards causing the penis to bleed afterwards to name a few =O), I really thought that Flanagan was likable. Sometimes, you can't just look at the screen as they show some of the activities they do (the most painful-to-watch and unbearable scene is when he hammers a nail on his penis and a piece of wood and even describing it makes me flinch) because we can feel the pain that Flanagan is willing and pleased to endure.

But you can get through those scenes because of how Bob Flanagan took sadomasochism lightly with his hilarious and truthful jokes about it that he shares to others such as his fellow masochists. He shared his journal that was a record of his daily sexual activities with his partner, and in the end of the movie, he shares a poem about the countless reasons why he is a masochist.

It is ironic how he has survived all those unhealthy, dangerous, and painful sexual activities (all the physical pain his wife has inflicted upon him) and that instead a serious illness would be the cause of his untimely death.

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I have no social life right now. I don't socialize much with the people at the financial area of the hospital where I volunteer in, not even with my co-volunteer or the ones I sit with at the office. In my defense, they are older than me and there's a generation gap :P and I only get to see the other volunteer once a week since she volunteers only twice a week. Sure, some small talk here and there (which is quite unbearable for me) but nothing more than that. The same goes for my co-workers at McDonalds. I don't know, I've really tried socializing with others but I'm really not a friendly and social person. And most of my co-workers bore me. I mean, what else can we talk about besides work? And I can tell we have nothing in common. The only social life I have, if I do have one, would be my conversations with my family during dinner, movie time every Friday and/or Saturday night, etc.

I can't even get around to calling Ana and Demi so we can meet again after not seeing each other for months, go out wherever and just talk about what has been going on with our lives lately (not that anything much has changed in my life) because of laziness. I feel lazy enough to go to work or to volunteer.

We've gone on holiday by mistake XD.

2009-04-20T00:05:13Z

I just saw a man jump in front of an approaching subway train last Wednesday. Until now, I actually have no idea if the man who jumped actually got hit by the train or whether he died or just got injured after that incident since I was walking at the same direction as the approaching train. And everything was so quick as the train tried to slow down when it was too late and a middle-aged man suddenly screamed as he covered his ears and walked quickly away from the platform. Of course, I just stood there as, despite how selfish this might sound, I really needed to go to school for my last and most important exam. The TTC workers asked us all to quickly leave the platform, and I had to go to school by bus. But I wasn't actually late since I had planned to go to school an hour early to fully prepare myself for the exam.

Of course, everyone didn't complain about being late for work or school and all, which is what we usually do when we're late because of public transportation, especially after what just happened. Of course, while I was riding the bus, I couldn't concentrate that much on studying especially after what I saw. But I guess I forgot about the whole thing once the exam started since I was just worrying about finishing the whole exam within two hours (Our teacher is sadistic as he puts a lot of material in the exam and expects us to finish it all within the two hours that we only have).

I think the man who jumped in front of the train was really trying to kill himself since he jumped as soon as the train passed by. I am guess ing that these kinds of things (suicide attempts) usually happen at the subway.

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Even though I love watching the classics (both Hollywood and foreign), I am not a conservative person who misses the old-fashioned values. I just think that being a film ~~snob~~ buff and all, I should watch all kinds of films, from the 1910s to the present, from the silent films to the film noir to the musicals to the arthouse films to the cult films to the most recent films. Watching only films from the years 1990s and 2000s is boring; there's not much variety and diversity. And watching only Casablanca doesn't mean you have seen everything that films have to offer either. Although it has its fair share of hits and misses, I still do think that Hollywood hasn't been the same as before especially compared to its Golden Age.

Even if I love a lot of old classics, not only from Hollywood but also from other countries, I still feel annoyed whenever I see stereotypical depictions and misrepresentations of women and minorities in film. But then again, even though we live in modern times where women and men are treated equally (or so they say but I don't agree from what I see in the media and society) and where visible minorities are treated equally, I still see that Hollywood (as well as the media in general) is still guilty of its bigoted, prejudiced, and narrow-minded beliefs (Remember the psychotic working woman in Fatal Attraction?) even though it might not be as obvious as before (i.e. the blackface acts that people back then thought were entertaining and women being portrayed as mere housewives and secretaries).

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I should complain for having only two shifts a week at McDonald's. They just hire more employees and let us all have 1-2 shifts a week. That doesn't make sense. That only just pays for bills, in my case my weekly routine of renting DVDs. At this rate, I won't be able to save money and I would only be able to spend money I earn each week on renting DVDs for each week. It's a good thing that my parents don't let me pay for my own transportation expenses (I get to use the family's monthly Metropass most of the time) even though I sometimes pay for my sister's weekly allowance.

If I weren't volunteering 32 hours a week (!), they would probably give me more shifts and I would be able to work more and earn more.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

2009-04-12T20:04:12Z

The way I write is so... uptight. That's why I am incapable of writing any poems. Sure, I can write with only a few unnoticeable grammatical errors. Sure, I am capable of getting my point across the audience but my writing doesn't serenely flow, like a river. It isn't smooth and carefree; it's so structured. I think it should be more effortless. I think too much when I write; I should just let the feelings flow. It's like I keep watching what I do when it should be more natural to me by now.

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Along with the other movies this week when I am supposed to be studying instead, I just watched the film Offside directed by Jafar Panahi. And after watching it, all I can say is "Wow!" Even as the movie criticizes how women are not allowed to watch men's sports games in the country of Iran (and vice versa), the film has a feel-good ending, giving us hope as both women and men celebrate the entry of Iran to the World Cup in the game of soccer and the win of Iran against Bahrain.

The women who are big fans of soccer and try to pretend to be men just to enter the stadium (even the soldiers especially the man who is so worried about his family, farm, cattle, etc.) are so lovable and the movie deeply moving. They just want to go watch the games as big fans of soccer but they are not allowed on the grounds that the men will just physically abuse them and the women will just hear the men swearing and using unpleasant words. Like the men, the women just want to support their country and show their deep love for the game of soccer. Jafar Panahi also directs another film that criticizes the treatment of Iranian women in Iran.

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Daniel Day-Lewis is so hot even when playing an obnoxious character in A Room with a View.

Whenever I watch period dramas (there is more to the genre of period drama than just Pride and Prejudice and Jane Austen's works, you know), I always keep thinking how did people back in those periods amuse themselves. Shouldn't they be bored to death without movies, TV, and other kinds of entertainment? I keep wondering what if I was born during those eras. No movies!? No TV!? No video games!? And no Internet!? Then again, they still have the operas, the theater, novels, cabarets and sports and I wouldn't even perceive of the idea of TVs, movies and whatnot since they still didn't exist back then unless of course I was a prodigy in the fields of technology. But of course, I think I spend too much time bumming around and watching movies so I can't imagine surviving without movies and all even though there are other ways to kill time and enjoy oneself.

If I were born in the 19th century, I think I would be fed up with the pretensions of the bourgeoisie, their conservatism, gossiping, self-indulgence, etiquette, proper manners and dreadful social parties. And the duels? What a ridiculous practice even for back then? Whenever one feels that their honor has been disgraced, they allow one to have duels with the person who has disgraced them to the point of killing someone?! Dignity my ass.

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Why is he straight? :(

I just confirmed that he is as straight as an arrow. I guess I knew it all along. I just kept hoping even though he really acts masculine and calls me 'tol (I hate it when they call me 'tol or pare; I am not one of the guys and I want a more affectionate term to call me XD). I didn't ask him if he's straight or not or anything like that as he has no idea I'm gay. I just saw his picture of a girl in his cellphone, who I sadly assume is his girlfriend. Down the drain goes my chances, huh, as if I really had a chance in the first place. Oh well. Unlike with other guys, I somehow feel so comfortable around him. I just feel like a child again, getting mad when I don't get to talk to him or don't get to see him and feeling pleasure whenever I smell that masculine perfume of his.

Oh, I'm feeling horny again, just at the thought of him :P.

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I am screwed. Hopefully, I get at least a 60 percent mark in Financial Accounting. I don't expect to get a B- anymore since that professor is such a sadistic asshole. The chances of me getting a 70 have gone since the assignment (which most professors just give as giveaways where we can get a chance to gain easy marks) is so hard. That professor is such an uptight man despite the fact that he jokes and goofs around in class. He is so uptight even when it comes to quizzes. Ugh, I am really so pissed off. I just can't wait until my last exam on Wednesday (which is my Financial Accounting exam) is over so I don't have to worry about anything else for the next four months besides volunteering.

I really should update this journal every now and then to put my paid account into full use.

Movies in haiku form XD.

2009-04-01T19:40:26Z

I copied Jessica Zafra's idea that she used in some of her columns. http://jessicarulestheuniverse.com/2009/03/27/movies-in-3-lines/

1. Her psycho fan dies.
She goes bonkers for no cause.
Boring agony.

2. Rookie loses gun.
Gun used by others for crime.
Rookie blames himself.

3. Gay love in prison.
Dance, smoke, caress one’s body.
Genet’s only film.

4. Irksome guy takes case.
Finds evil box with weird content.
Pretentious film noir.

5. Boys go to see Lola.
Old hypocrite falls for her.
He becomes sad. Hah!

6. Dog kills his owner.
Witches cause more gruesome deaths.
Grand Technicolor.

7. Father cheats on wife.
Son follows father’s footsteps.
Wilder’s doing bad.

8. Street children with guns.
Corrupt cops, drugs, muggings.
Not on DVD :(.

9. Friends plot a murder.
Strong friendship turns to madness.
What were they thinking?

10. Couple on the run.
Bonnie and Clyde’s a rip-off.
Farley Granger’s hot.

11. Hepburn’s off to Venice.
A romantic fantasy.
Brief Encounter-esque.

12. Reggae song’s a hit.
When singer turns murderer.
Jamaican cult fun.

13. Black woman finds mom.
Turns out her mother is white.
I cried, watching this.

14. Fat girl has cute sis.
Sis’ boyfriend is an asshole.
So is the fat girl.

15. Gay man is blackmailed.
One of early gay-themed films.
Dirk Bogarde’s gorgeous.

16. Guy films tortured girls.
British answer to Psycho.
A fucked-up movie.

17. Love affair in Japan.
Starts with lovely body shots.
With some real footage.

18. Circus “freaks” are mad.
Bland people make fun of them.
Justified revenge.

Movies:
1. Opening Night
2. Stray Dog
3. Un Chant D’amour
4. Kiss Me Deadly
5. The Blue Angel
6. Suspiria
7. Avanti!
8. Pixote
9. Heavenly Creatures
10. They Live By Night
11. Summertime
12. The Harder They Come
13. Secrets & Lies
14. Fat Girl
15. Victim
16. Peeping Tom
17. Hiroshima Mon Amour
18. Freaks

I really have nothing better else to do XD.

Zing-zing-zing went my heartstrings. From the moment I saw him, I fell.

2009-03-23T18:37:46Z

My sister told me that the phrase "by the way" is blasphemous. I don't see how.

With the tuxedo suit that I am wearing right now, I feel like I am going to a prom or a wedding ceremony, and not to an interview. It's these friggin' shoulder pads. I think this suit is too much even for a formal interview. I can't help but blush when someone in my classroom asks me if I have been to a wedding or something. After she found out that I have gone to an interview, she said I looked nice in the suit but I can't help but wonder if she is deep down laughing out loud at how ridiculous my outfit is just for going to class or if she is really saying the truth.

I was supposed to have a job interview today. It's for a volunteer placement at the Toronto Western Hospital but my interview was cancelled. I was even so worried that I was five minutes late for the interview when the man in the Volunteer Resources (who was so kind and considerate, by the way) said to me that my interview was cancelled. I even cried when I knew I was going to be late >_<. I was partly disappointed since I wanted to get the interview done with even though I was planning to just wing the interview but I was also partly relieved since they wouldn't have a bad impression of me because of me being late.

Gosh, I look like one of those men who would just suddenly come up to you at public places, just interrupt you while you're reading or even talking to someone else, and ask you questions like "Do you know that God loves you?" that if you give any kind of answer, they will suddenly preach about their own religions (more or less, questions that I don't know how to properly answer without offending them because they are certainly not going to be pleased with my answer for the question "Do you know that God loves you?"). Yes, those people whom we would awkwardly try hard to avoid. Oh, I just realized that I don't know what they are called. Preachers? XD

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I don't know if this is really true but I read in a blog (and I also tried to make sure by checking other blogs by searching at Google) that the film The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is going to get the Criterion Collection treatment. I am kind of shocked since that's not the type of film that they would normally include in their (sometimes exceptional but also sometimes pretentious and snobbish) group of films. Then again, what would you expect from them if they included in their exclusive set of films the movies The Armaggedon and The Rock O_O.

You must admit that not all Criterion Collection films are great. I felt empty and displeased after watching Grey Gardens, I Know Where I'm Going!, Shock Corridor, Fat Girl and A Woman is a Woman. And I think The Marriage of Maria Braun (I love Fassbinder's films but I really disliked this one), The Leopard, The Rules of the Game and Tokyo Story are overrated films.

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Did you guys watch the Oscars this year? I know I'm really late in talking about this but I've just gone back to blogging so just bear with me. Hugh Jackman's dancing, along with his sense of humor, is just a turn-on <3. Hugh Jackman danced to musical numbers from the movies Top Hat, Grease, Moulin Rouge!, Chicago, The Wizard of Oz, and Mamma Mia! (Let's just pretend that they didn't even sing to a song from High School Musical 0_o). He dances so good that that just makes him hotter.

The fact that he's good at both singing and dancing is surprising to people who only know him from the movies Wolverine and Kate and Leopold and to me a few weeks before the Oscars who had just found out that he acts in a couple of Broadway musicals, The Boy from Oz being his most famous and most successful one where he stars as Peter Allen, an Australian singer and songwriter and a flamboyant gay man who has been Liza Minnelli's husband.

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Still no news at all about Suikoden VI?! It's been three years since the release of Suikoden V, and there is still no news about Suikoden VI, not even about the date of its release or about the game console as to where it can be played. Hopefully, it will be PSP, if not PS2. I know that I haven't played a RPG game in a while since the only game that I am really looking forward to is Suikoden VI. And I don't think there will be a video game as fun as Suikoden VI but then again, I haven't played that many games to be able to say if this is really true nor have I tried a lot of different RPG game franchises other than Final Fantasy, Tales, Wild Arms, Breath of Fire, Golden Sun, etc.

Love is the morning and the evening star.

2009-03-19T17:40:20Z

I should be killed and suffer a slow death for my sin of constantly listening to Lady GaGa's songs >_<.

I am back (as if anyone cares XD). I think I noticed some of my LJ friends have deleted me from their friends list. I don't blame them. I haven't been active at LiveJournal for, what, 4-5 months. It's all because of Plurk. It's easier to blog for about one to two sentences than write an entire post. Of course, I could just post an entry that has a couple of sentences, images, etc. here everyday but that's just not my style :P. I also decided to just delete my account at Plurk to go back to blogging. Of course, I could have just kept it inactive without deleting it just to keep some online memories XD but I didn't like the thought of my karma points going down to zero.

I was planning to use my portable DVD player (which is pretty useless when used at the train or at the bus since the sound of the moving train or bus overpowers the sound coming from my earphones 0_o) and watch a movie since I still have two hours before my next class but I suddenly decided that I should go back to blogging at LiveJournal. I kind of missed blogging.

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I am having another one of my fantasies and I can't keep giggling at the thought of it. I am afraid that if I keep thinking about it, it won't come true. I don't want to keep my hopes up anymore. And I also don't want to mention it to anyone else or even write about it here because, like I said, I don't want to hope too much for nothing. If there were only any hints...

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I am in love with couple-on-the-run-films. It should be a new genre: couple on the run genre XD. But then again, only a few crime films have that kind of storyline. Only examples I can think of right off the bat right now are the movies Gun Crazy, They Live By Night, You Only Live Once, The Living End, Thelma and Louise, and the most famous of them all, Bonnie and Clyde (all of which are my favorites, except You Only Live Once, which is great but not on my top list).

"I've been kicked around all my life, and from now on, I'm gonna start kicking back." ~Annie of Gun Crazy~

The basic storyline that these movies follow are that the couple has a close bond (usually a romantic relationship), one of the pair or both of them have committed a serious crime (usually murder or stealing) and they plan to go away from their normal lives and just take a run for it, run from the law, and go to a faraway place and live their lives to the fullest with the money they have.

If we were to think psychologically why I love those kinds of films, maybe it's because deep down, I fantasize of escaping from society, not exactly being uncivilized but not being a part of it with its expectations it has for every one of us and the obligations that one has to society. I probably dream of being a real rebel, being kind of like a menace to the authorities and the society. And while I am on the run, I might as well have someone with me. It would be the two of us against the world. Nothing else is important; only our love for each other is the important thing and we couldn't care less for society. It's a fantasy, something you think about but usually don't do anything about it. Isn't that a wonderful fantasy? Just being with the one you love and care for the most and not caring about society's expectations from you?

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I hate it so much when people promise to call later when they don't. Why the heck say you're going to call later when you won't? Or maybe, I am just making a big issue out of something small. I guess I just miss talking to my best friend, Ana. I haven't seen her since December and I haven't talked to her for a while now. Gosh, I miss her :(. I didn't even get to see her during our one-week break but I guess I didn't call her then because I wanted her to be the first to call >_<.

I am thinking of switching my LJ account to a paid account. I want more userpics :P. And having a paid account would surely make me update here more XD.

Russell Crowe and Johnny Depp have once portrayed gay characters.

2008-10-27T01:16:45Z

Aww, I am going to miss Deny, a friend of mine who has just gone to Alberta yesterday. I only have a few close friends here, and one of them has just gone to the other side of Canada :(. She is the one I used to talk to about different kinds of stuff such as anime, movies, etc. during Grade 12 since she was my seatmate during Family Studies and Calculus and one of my companions during lunch. Too bad, she wasn't able to come last Friday but it was kind of her fault. The last time we had been able to hang out was last Wednesday when we decided to go downtown. Hay naku, Deny *sighs*. I hope she comes back to Toronto next year during vacation. My most memorable moments with Deny? The one-equals-zero moment. The juicy-lips moment. And the hey-you-touched-my-private-part incident. Hahaha XD.

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I hate it when a person promises to call you, then he or she completely forgets about it, and then I keep waiting for his or her call like an idiot. Of course, I feel ashamed to call the person first since the person has said that he or she will do it. That happened to me two times this week from the same person. Ugh, it's really annoying. I didn't even get to hang out with her this week because of that. And the fact that she doesn't call me first makes me feel like she's trying to avoid me or something like that. I am the one who had to call her first but maybe, I guess she really is busy with work and school stuff but it still makes me think if I did something rude the last time we were together.

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I don't want to be a drag or a party pooper but I have never been a fan of Halloween. But then again, I hate all made-up holidays. I also think one should know when is it finally time to stop trick-or-treating. I think once you hit your 20's or even when you're still 18 or 19, you should probably stop the yearly ritual of asking for candies from neighbors whom you rarely showed politeness, kindness and hospitality towards. It's now your turn to give the tooth-decaying candies and sweets to the kids. Because guess what? It's not cute to see a bunch of teenagers who are oversized for their childish costumes asking for sweets from neighbors anymore. It's only adorable when you were a kid. It's okay if you're accompanying children but don't use the children as an excuse to go trick-or-treating though. Time to get out of that Batman or Wonderwoman outfit.

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All actors who are capable of and comfortable with portraying gay characters are real men, and that also goes for actresses playing lesbian characters. Only a real man or woman won't feel awkward when kissing another person of the same sex, whether straight or not. To actors who can't even accept a gay/lesbian role, they are not only homophobes but they are also unwilling to try different, daring and versatile roles, something that they aren't used to and can't relate to that much, which shows that they don't have what it takes to act.

Javier Bardem and Johnny Depp in the film Before Night Falls

Only great actors are capable of playing gay/lesbian, bi and transexual characters. Daniel Day-Lewis (There Will Be Blood) has played a gay neo-fascist with a secret relationship with a young Pakistani man in the film My Beautiful Laundrette. Javier Bardem (No Country For Old Men) has portrayed Reinaldo Arenas, a gay Cuban poet, in a biographical film Before Night Falls. Meryl Streep (Kramer vs. Kramer) has played a lesbian book editor in the film The Hours. Hilary Swank has portrayed Brandon Teena, a transexual man who was raped and murdered by his friends after they have found out that he had female sex organs, in the tragic and heartbreaking film Boys Don't Cry. Antonio Banderas has portrayed a obsessed and psychotic gay character in Almodovar's Law of Desire and the boyfriend of a man who has been stricken with AIDS in the film Philadelphia. Felicity Huffman has portrayed a transexual woman who is about to undergo a sex change when she finds out that she has a son in the film Transamerica. Russell Crowe (A Beautiful Mind) has played a gay man who has a close bond and a healthy relationship with his father in the Australian film The Sum of Us.

My childhood can be summed up to White Rabbit candies, teks, soap operas, bahay-bahayan, etc.

2008-10-21T13:35:19Z

Add me @ Plurk. Hehe. Plurk is this website where users can posts their current status or mood (like in Facebook), or just shoutouts (like in Friendster). It is kind of simple and there's not much left to do besides updating your status and profile but it can be better if you have more friends there who regularly update and whose plurks you can respond to so accept my invite and add me as a friend. I feel lonely, and Catherine (my friend who referred me to Plurk) is still my only friend there :(.

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Gosh, I still can't download movies from the computer downstairs since that PC has no Internet and I don't want to fill the memory space of the new computer. And my movie watchlist is just increasing day by day XD.

Does anyone still have a VHS? I need one, haha. The nearby public library has a bookshelf full of great movies, and these films are unfortunately in the VHS format. Why did we have to throw our old VHS just because it isn't "trendy" anymore and we have to welcome the new? Why don't they sell the old stuff anymore even for just such a cheap price in electronics stores? By the next decade, they probably wouldn't sell DVDs anymore, or at least would sell them in limited amounts, and we would, with no other choice, have to buy Blu-Rays instead. It's so sad, it's just beyond our control. Do we really need to get rid of the old for the new, the latest and most innovative stuff? Because there really isn't much of a difference between VHS and DVD and between DVD and Blu-Ray. And pretty soon no matter what happens and no matter how new and innovative the products are, someone somewhere is still going to find a way to make pirated copies of original and costly movies and TV series. They should have figured that out by now.

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My best friend and I finally went out together last Saturday since it's already our midterm break, intersession week or whatever. We just met last week but it has still been a long time since we hanged out together.

Anyway, we went to our friend's house because she invited Ana. And even though I wasn't personally invited, I still went with her XD. We ate ice cream cake and cheesecake (These kinds of stuff make me forget that I am trying so hard not to eat a lot) and watched a Russell Peters stand-up show. I must admit, Russell Peters is funny. Although I am sure most of you already know about him, for those who don't know him, Peters is a Canadian comedian of Indian heritage whose jokes are mostly racial and mostly referring to his heritage. He also makes fun of other races and cultures as he is totally capable of imitating stereotypical accents of others. I just can't believe he gets away with most of his jokes. Then again, most comedians get away with theirs no matter how offensive, discriminatory or insulting they are. But I don't think that the guy's ignorant. He is aware of the racial stereotypes and doesn't reinforce them at all. He just makes fun of the stereotypes.

But, you know what, I agree with my sister. I like comedians who talk more about random stuff and who don't always refer to their own or others' culture, gender, nationality, sexual orientation, etc. or to the things they hate in their own personal relationships for their jokes because those jokes can get old and repetitive sometimes, not to mention offensive to other people who belong to the groups that the comedians make fun of sometimes. Humor can be universal, just plainly about random stuff and rants about little things. I am not saying that all jokes should be clean but you can tell that comedians are great ones when they are capable of joking about other things besides their personal identity and their personal relationships.

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Something random, there are exactly three little glow-in-the-dark stars up on the ceiling of my bedroom. I'm guessing they're from the one who used to stay in my room, definitely a kid. Haha, we also used to have glow-in-the-dark stickers in our rooms too when we were still kids. We had gotten those stickers from, I think, those cereal boxes; they're those free stuff from cereal boxes. Thinking of glow-in-the-dark stickers, for some reason I suddenly remember those slimy green stuff, each with a different toy inside, that comes in small plastic containers and that feels icky on your hands. And after thinking of those stuff, I am suddenly reminded of my childhood.

Basically, my childhood can be summed up to Happy Meal toys, chewy White Rabbit candies with edible plastic wrappers, my beloved puppet monkey, trying to learn Tagalog, stuffed toys instead of toy cars, jackstones, lying on the duyan, Disney films and cartoons, The Secret Garden, playing teks and always losing my teks to my neighbors, those butterfly accessories girls in my school used to wear which I secretly wanted to have too, cheesy fries, touch ball/dodge ball, Mulan, those creepy Barbie dolls of my sister scaring the shit out of me, playing bahay-bahayan by myself, enviously watching the girls play Chinese garter, being made fun of and teased by my other classmates, scribbling and sketching, pretending to have crushes on my female classmates, trashy melodramas and soap operas, sleepovers with my cousins, playing sungka upstairs in that little attic, feeling lonely during recess and after dismissal, Ghostfighter (Yuyu Hakusho), Akazukin Chacha and Sailormoon on TV, Candy Corner sweets, early access to Internet porn, feeling attracted to my male classmates, Sometimes, I just miss the sweet old days. Sometimes, I just miss the innocence and naivety that comes with being a child.

This post made much more sense in my head, haha, but I think you get the idea, that I suddenly reminisce and feel nostalgia after seeing those glow-in-the-dark stickers in my room.

Trust me when I say men are worse gossipers than women.

2008-10-17T13:51:31Z

Notice how most of my closest friends are female? Notice how I only have a handful of male friends whom I am really close to? Yup, I don't feel comfortable or I can't seem to act like myself when I am around only men (or boys, depending on their level of maturity). I prefer being around a lot of women over being a lot of men, I feel more comfortable talking and socializing with women. That's why I don't like being friends with an all-male group. I guess I am not capable of dealing with or interacting well with the same sex (a reason why I'm still friggin' single). If there are a couple of guys around in our group, it's fine with me as long as I have a female companion.

Before I came out, there were a bunch of moments where I had to hang out with all of the guys in our group, and I really felt uncomfortable and weirded out. They seemed to notice too since they noticed that I was quiet around them and I seldomly talked. I only felt like myself whenever we were watching anime and playing video games (Smash Bros., woohoo! That was fun even though I kept losing). Those were my only common interests with them back then. After I came out, I have been used to not hanging out with all the guys anymore, which is quite a relief if I think about it, and if I did hang out with some, there were other women around. I guess the oh-so-straight guys aren't okay with my sexuality or maybe we just aren't that close, huh? When I am with the women, I feel more relaxed and I can say and do whatever what I want to say without feeling awkward.

With straight guys, I can't relate at all and I also don't like the way they speak when there are no women around. Straight guys can talk about sex in an immature and disgusting way (as if sex is only "fucking", not out of love and intimacy) and are forced to act and talk all masculinely, afraid of coming off as touchy-feely or sensitive, when among themselves. And the thing I hate the most is that when they are together, guys can also say the most offensive and most insulting jokes, usually homophobic and sexist. And trust me when I say that men are worse gossipers than women. But of course, I'm just generalizing so it doesn't apply to all men.

But now that I think about it, I need to hang out with more gay men. At least, they would be more comfortable to hang out with and, unlike others, they wouldn't convince me that I just haven't met the right woman or that there is a possibility that I am bisexual. That'd be such a good idea if only I wasn't shy at all and was such a social butterfly or if I at least personally knew some of them.

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Yes, I am finally done with my midterm exams. It's really a good thing that I only had two midterm exams. Now I can feel more relaxed even though I am afraid of my test results. And I can't afford looking back to notes and to the book to see if the answers that I am unsure of are correct or not because it might just simply make me feel worse. I don't want to get my hopes up too but I still hope that I do get satisfactory grades.

I am amused by the game Rockband. It's so fun to play with, especially when using the drums. I prefer the drums over the bass, guitar and the singing since I have hard time playing the guitar (I am not used with the buttons and to me, it's hard knowing where the buttons are while looking at the screen too). And singing is easier here. You just have to know the song, and even if you haven't heard the song before, you just have to make your pitch right even if you get the lyrics and the tune wrong. My siThe songs are also awesome. Reptilia by The Konks? I'm So Sick by Flyleaf? I Think I'm Paranoid by Garbage? Dani California by Red Hot Chili Peppers? When You Were Young by The Killers? Welcome Home by Coheed and Cambria? What I tell you, awesome.

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As of now, I have watched 95 films of IMDB's top 250 films. But the list constantly changes, depending on the ratings of its users. I have realized that most of the films in the list are along the lines of "arthouse crap", "so-called timeless and wholesome classics", "testosterone-driven films by men about men for men", and "mainstream Hollywood action/drama shit". Mind you, I like a lot of the films in the mentioned list, even some of the old classics and Hollywood stuff, but I think the list doesn't have much variety and diversity and are usually plain and wholesome films that are non-threatening to the average white straight male audience (obviously the majority of the movie-going population). And the fact that those movies are in this list and are considered "great films" by almost everyone makes it more likely that people who plan to watch those movies will have a biased opinion about the films and will be forced to give them a high rating. Just because it's elitist to think otherwise. Notice the hint of sarcasm there. There are only a few foreign films in the list (such as City of God, Oldboy and Hayao Miyazaki movies), and most of them are the most accessible ones. Not one single film from the list is directed by a woman or made to please female audiences. Amelie? Juno? Not really, despite the fact that the protagonists are female. Not one single film in the list has themes of homosexuality, bisexuality or transexuality. The closest would probably be either Little Miss Sunshine or Rope, which has subtle homoerotic themes. Some of the films in the list are overrated and pretentious (i.e. Donnie Darko and The Usual Suspects). And most of the movies are from the same directors such as Alfred Hitchcock, Stanley Kubrick, Francis Ford Coppola, and Billy Wilder. Not even Lost in Translation, Chungking Express, Brokeback Mountain, Do The Right Thing, or All About My Mother (which are all great films liked by both critics and cinephiles) is in the list. I smell a conspiracy here.

If a male homosexual is gay, a female homosexual should be ecstatic.

2008-10-10T17:26:34Z

Before, I thought that the only sexual orientations were homosexuality and heterosexuality. Then four years ago, I found out that there is such a thing as bisexuality, and even though at first, I doubted that anyone else ever felt attracted towards both sexes but then I soon learned to grasp that there are no limits in love and attraction. Then a year ago I believe, I found out that there are also transexuality, pansexuality and asexuality. Transexuals are people who identify more with the other sex and not with the sex in which they are born with and who feel that they should be sexually reassigned, asexuals are people who don't feel sexually attracted to either sex at all, and pansexuals are people who feel romantic love or an aesthetic attraction towards other people no matter what their gender or sexual orientation is.

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I admire actress Lauren Bacall of the films To Have and Have Not and The Big Sleep. The woman is way ahead of her time, portraying strong, poised and tough-looking yet elegant characters in most of her films. She also has this distinctive voice in her films: raspy and low, almost masculine. She sings in almost a male-like voice but she sings beautifully in both of her Howard Hawks films. She also is so gorgeous and she seems so powerful, queenly and stunning because of her look, the way her eyes pierces through you in her photos and films. She is also the greatest example of the Hawksian woman archetype: the recurring female archetype in Howard Hawks' films that is an outspoken, tough-looking and strong-willed woman who are in the leagues of and can keep up with her male counterpart.

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I mentioned at one of my recent posts that hopefully, we (my family, my relatives, our family friends and I) will have the chance to go to Paris and Italy. Apparently, we are also going to Austria and Germany since we have some relatives in Austria, and that's great. I will be able to go to other countries besides my native country, the Philippines, Canada, USA and Bahrain. And let's hope that the two-week trip really will happen next year. I'd go crazy if it doesn't :P. It's really something to look forward to, and it is going to be one of the extraordinary things that might happen to me in this life. I mean, come on, it's going to exotic places you have only seen in the movies, read about in books, and heard about in songs, feeling like you aren't trapped in a single place for the rest of your life, finally feeling like you are a part of something big.

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Pardon me if I do sound bitter and pessimistic in this post. I have concluded that I have no special talent. I am average in everything I do, and I have never achieved anything extraordinary, exemplary and well-worth knowing in my entire life. I have high marks at most of my subjects and courses but I have never been one of the most outstanding students or gotten one of the highest marks. Yes, I am good at English but my vocabulary isn't that good and, I admit, is quite limited. I am mediocre at sports, an amateur in creative writing, and ridiculous at public speaking. And if I ever do find out what I am really truly good at in the near future, it's kind of too late since I am already in college and reaching my 20's. I don't even have determination or self-confidence. All I have is passion and this fantasy to be someone extraordinary. Hey, despite the things I said here, I am quite happy and contented of who I am now but I just regret not trying different kinds of things when it was still early and I was younger, instead of bumming out and just promising to do those things later, to find out what are my talents and the other things I am really good at.

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I think I have become more insecure than ever. I am very conscious of the amount I eat and what I eat, thinking almost everytime how many calories have I had for the day. I feel very bad whenever I eat a lot or I assume that I have eaten a lot. I constantly check if I have gained weight. I know, it's not a good thing and it might get worse but I just can't help it. It also makes me seem superficial and shallow, I know. Everyone around me thinks it's unhealthy (I do too) and is afraid that I might suddenly get a eating disorder. I assure you guys, I won't have any disorders no matter what happens. It would be more healthy for me if I were to go to the gym or at least use the treadmill everyday but I am too lazy for that and I usually don't have the time. I really need to stop being so insecure and unconfident. I just need to maintain my current weight: not skinny, not overweight. I am trying to play the song Big Girl (You Are Beautiful) by Mika on my head :P, hehe. What? That's such a lovely song with a good message.

It's Chris, your least favorite Martian.

2008-10-07T13:50:09Z

We just moved in to our new home last Friday :D. We still have some more arranging, unpacking and cleaning to do especially in the basement but the house really looks great and comfortable. My only problem with the house is its location and how far it is from both the bus stop and the college school I go to >_<. And it's a pain in the ass to use different buses at different times of the day.

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I am currently reading Jane Eyre (as recommended by Micah). It is a good read but my vocabulary is so limited that I can't understand half of the words in the whole book and I just have to find context clues in order to understand the words I don't know of. But I really like how the author Emily Bronte writes. It's so unique and almost indescribable and even though she writes in prose, there's something poetic in the way she describes people, situations and places. And Jane Eyre is such a lovable and charming character. Her straightforwardness, her honesty, and her admiration of Miss Temple, the school superintendent and a poised, mature and kind woman of power, add to her appeal. Jane Eyre is a character who is way ahead of her time.

I just finished reading The Handmaid's Tale a week ago, and that novel is such a frustrating and aggravating book to read not because it is dull but because the devastating, ugly and undesirable world the characters live in in this novel is something that no one would want to happen in our world in the future. The novel shows what would happen when conservative, anti-feminist and totalitarian beliefs are put to the extreme.

In this dark and hypocritical setting (I believe it is set in America), wars are going on and men and women are being hanged for going against the strict and inhumane rules and being put on display to put fear amongst others. But the ones who are most affected by this terrible situation are the women. The women are suppressed and are only given limited choices and less freedom. It has been a ridiculous belief by most conservatives and anti-feminists that women are only good for childbearing, childrearing and housekeeping, and the heartless and faceless rulers of this society have made sure that this belief would be applied. See, I told you that the issues of this novel are really devastating and painful to even think about. The novel is as tragic and painful to read as the satirical novel Animal Farm yet they are both quite interesting. But I definitely recommend this for awareness purposes.

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"Hi, um, Scotty, it’s-it’s Kevin, your least favorite Martian. Look, I’ve been on your planet for 34 years and I still get a lot of things wrong like about, um, money and work and people and life and love. Everything. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I think you’re amazing and funny and cute as hell and I just hope that someday, I don’t know, maybe three Martian years from now because our years are longer than yours, maybe I could be worthy of your human love and respect, whether we’re together or not. That’s all." (Brothers & Sisters)

Heehee, my sister and I are having a Brothers & Sisters marathon <3. I learned about the TV series from my friend JC. I can't get enough of the series especially now that I have promised myself to start downloading movies again after my midterm exams. Awww, I am so jealous of the relationship the Walker family has. The brothers and sisters, as well as the mother, are so close to each other, are always there for each other and still keep in touch with each other almost everyday (not only on special occasions) even though they are already on their 30's and 40's. No secrets can't be kept from each other because of how close they are, and the siblings tell their problems, feelings, secrets, etc. to each other just like best friends. They kind of remind me of the close relationship that my mother has with her three sisters but the only difference is that the Walker siblings fight and argue too much. And I can't help but feel empathy and love towards all of the characters even towards Holly, the other woman of the late William Walker. It is as if I have known them my whole life even though I have only been "introduced" to them last Saturday. The character whom I really care less about would be Justin but he's not that bad at some episodes.

Now if only school wasn't so much of a disturbance and an annoyance, I would watch the whole first season whole day long with my sister XD. School really ruins spare time and recreational time :P.

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I have had hard time breathing since April, I believe. I think it started during my vacation and it got worse at times. It's just that I sometimes need to gasp or sigh (as my family doctor puts it) for more air. It's not as worse as before but it's still there. And the doctors thought it was either asthma or panic attacks. And after trying those asthma medications, I knew that it wasn't asthma. Well, until now, they aren't sure what it specifically is since I really have hard time describing the way I feel when that happens and how often does it happen but I think my condition is leaning more on anxiety attacks. I am a very anxious and nervous person, and I worry and easily get tense over small stuff such as job interviews, group presentations, and almost anything that involves public speaking and speaking to others. I always keep telling myself to change that side of mine but it's not that easy. It's easy to change one's habits and traits but it's not easy to change someone's way of thinking.

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I just browsed through the book I did for English during my 2nd year high school. And I just keep thinking to myself how awful it was. And it makes me laugh and feel bad at the same time. I know I could have done better. I could have made it more original, more organized, neater, etc. And the book just reminds me of my bad taste in music, books, movies and TV shows before. Plus the title I made for the book is so childish and lame, and I am so embarrassed to even mention the name of the title XD. If I am given another chance to write a book like that about anything now and if I can forget that I made an awful thing like that first book of mine, I will do something different and not do just an autobiography. Or if I were given a chance to go back to the past, one of the things that I'd do would be creating a better first book, something that I can treasure and be very proud of :D. Then again, that's just pure talk :P.

Why do I fall in love with every [man] I see that shows me the least bit of attention?

2008-10-02T15:22:20Z

Wee, I am currently addicted to the band Scissor Sisters. They are like the homosexual version of the Bee Gees XD. Their song Filthy/Gorgeous is just hilarious and catchy, and its music video is even directed by John Cameron Mitchell, the one who directed the movie Shortbus, the shocking yet amazing film that was the cause of the "18 na kami" moment XD.

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"Why do I fall in love with every [man] I see that shows me the least bit of attention?" (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind)

I miss the feeling of ~~falling in love~~ having a crush on someone, getting horny and lustful for him, and obsessing over him. I don't believe in the idea of falling in love at first sight. When you do feel something like that, it's probably lust. I don't exactly like the feeling but it's just that I haven't felt like that for a long time. I guess I don't feel like that anymore because I now think in more of a rational and logical way. Or I guess, like Joel of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, I only easily fall in lust for guys who show me even the smallest bit of attention.

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I have watched a lot of films especially this year, but until now Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is still my all-time favorite. A lot of movie lovers say that their most favorite film ever is either Casablanca or Citizen Kane. If you ask others for their lists of top ten films, they will most likely include Casablanca and Citizen Kane on their lists. I have watched both but I think Citizen Kane is a little bit overrated and not timeless as other classic films I have seen, and Casablana is a phenomenal and incredibly well-written film but still not better than Eternal Sunshine.

Not one movie has been able to impress and amaze me more than Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Sadly, I don't think there will be another movie that will be able to capture the nostalgia and beauty present in Eternal Sunshine. Y Tu Mama Tambien almost came close to it, even The Diving Bell and the Butterfly and Chungking Express. And no movie is perfect, especially to the viewer's eyes, but to me this is the film that is closest to perfection. The film is done in a non-linear order, and there are a couple of twists. It can be easily confusing to its first-time viewers but before the film ends, they will easily comprehend what has just happened. Other elements of the film are perfectly well-done too. The dialogue is interesting, witty and not minimal, unlike arthouse films'. The realistic main characters are ones to care for and die for (Only Elijah Wood's character is annoying). The music is just soothing and sublime. There are also a lot of scenes in the film that will easily make its audience cry, laugh, or reminisce. The film also goes beyond different genres, thinking outside the box and not giving in to the cliches and typical situations in romantic comedies and science fiction. If you think there is a film even better than Eternal Sunshine, please tell me so.

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It's funny reading your old works and journal entries and looking through your old stuff. You'll laugh, thinking stuff like "Haha, I can't believe I was like that before. I can't believe I wrote this. How the heck did I write something as foolish as that? Why the heck was I so naive and innocent back then? I really changed a lot since then, huh?" If you haven't thought anything like that after browsing through your old written works, that probably means you haven't changed that much since then :P. And when you read them, you suddenly feel this sense of nostalgia and have this idiotic grin on your face, thinking of your old self and of how it seemed just like ages ago.

I mentioned this because I have been looking through some old stuff: notes, fantasy stories, and diary entries I wrote, letters and gifts I received from good friends, old stuff kept away in the closet, etc. I browsed through these, and it just made me smile and, once again, long for the simplistic and pleasant past.

Is that a pistol in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?

2008-09-28T19:56:28Z

Hahaha, such a hilarious quote coming from actress Mae West. The truth is, I have never seen any of his movies yet, and I only heard about her from my professor in my elective course, Women in Film. It's the feminist and cinephile in me that made me decide to pick that course. Anyway, I plan to watch her films. Mae West seems so interesting based on the limited information I have about her. She was an actress in old Hollywood starring at films during the 1930s and 1940s. She was a screenwriter and playwright too. She was very well-known for her double entendres and one-liner quotes about sex and her goddess-like qualities at a time where Hollywood has excessive censorship (some films today are still being censored but it isn't as bad as before) and anything "unwholesome" is not tolerated. And unlike other female stars back then, she wasn't portrayed as helpless, innocent, dependent and wimpy onscreen. Based on what I know, she was portrayed as mature, worldly and experienced. Here are some of her other witty and hilarious one-liners:

"How tall are you without your horse? Six foot, seven inches. Never mind the six feet. Let's talk about the seven inches!"
"Marriage is a fine institution, but I'm not ready for an institution."
"I consider sex a misdemeanor; the more I miss, de meaner I get."
"A hard man is good to find."
"I only like two kinds of men, domestic and imported."
"When I'm good, I'm very good. When I'm bad, I'm better."
"Too much of a good thing can be simply wonderful."

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Ugh, I got pooped on by a seagull on my right arm. Haha. I noticed the flock of seagulls right above me, and when I notice seagulls flying around near me, I usually become more cautious and look out for flying crap but this time, I failed to do that. Hence, the fresh bird poop on my arm two hours ago. Here in Canada, there are quite a lot of seagulls especially around open parking lots. Anyway, some people say that being pooped on by a bird brings good luck and fortune. I am not a superstitious person but since I got pooped on, I sure hope that I do get lucky. If not, ugh, I will forever be skeptical when it comes to superstitious stuff. Then again, right before I got pooped on as we were buying paint from Canadian Tire, the color I picked for the walls on my new room at our new home is called "Good Fortune". A good sign? Coincidence? I dunno.

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It's weird how we associate things to people we know, that when we see that thing, we suddenly remember a certain person. For example, when I think of Ragnarok, my friend Kathleen quickly comes to mind even though I know a lot of people who are or have been addicted to RO. Cellphones and The Corrs also remind me of Kathleen. When I see something that is too yellow, I quickly remember my friend JC. When I see a picture of Britney Spears and a poster of Mean Girls, I also suddenly remember him XD. When I hear a song by Michelle Branch, I remember my friend Danielle. Any merchandise showing those Disney princesses (a euphemism for innocent and helpless damsels-in-distress) always remind me of my friend Anna. Sweets and Paris, France for Gale, indie music for Catherine, trading cards for Lendyll, Doraemon for Doanna, Final Fantasy for Christia, photography for Kervin and The Ring for Recine (Haha, peace tayo, Recine). And from now on, whenever I see pictures of those annoying Jonas brothers, I will suddenly think of Joy who apparently likes them XD. You, yes I am talking to you. What object makes you suddenly think of me? What do I remind you of?

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Boo, Heroes sucks now. The first episode of this season's Heroes sucks. It looks like the next episodes of Heroes are going to suck too. I wasn't a fan of the second season, and I am pretty sure I won't be liking the third season either. I think the first ep. sucks so bad because of the shamelessly repetitive plots, the cheesy dialogue, the underused characters and the unoriginal powers of the characters.

Beware of spoilers, if you haven't watched the first episode of Heroes' third season. I am getting tired of Sylar being the main villain. Personally, I think there should have been a new main antagonist since the second season. And the fact that Sylar is now indestructible after gaining Claire's powers is annoying, knowing that he won't be destroyed anytime soon. I know that the actor portraying Sylar is hot and gorgeous but his character is so menacing, annoying and despicable. And Mohinder who was the only main character who had no powers but had a great contribution to the plot, now has powers. I guess the makers of the show couldn't think of another storyline for Mohinder, huh? And guess what his powers are. He has powers very similar to Beast's (Yes, Beast from X-Men) as he has superhuman strength, incredible speed and the ability to climb on walls and stand on ceilings. Good advice: Stop ripping off other comic book writers, think of other original superpowers, and don't ever mess around with the great Beast. And I guess I shouldn't mention that both Mohinder and Beast are friggin' scientists.

And the makers of the show also have decided to place Matt in Africa. I guess they couldn't think of what to do with Matt and instead plan to add another storyline involving him. And what happened to Niki Sanders and her son, Micah. Now actress Ali Larter now plays Tracy Strauss, a new character, and not Niki. But I am guessing that Tracy might be one of Niki's multiple personalities. Oh, and one last rant about Heroes. I think the dialogue is corny and dumbed down for its audience. The only insightful quotes are usually from Mohinder, the opening lines or the last lines of the episodes. I think the script should be more witty and more humorous; almost everyone enjoys witty banters between friends and between enemies.

I could rant more but it would take more paragraphs and I don't feel like doing that.

"Pag sinasaktan mo ako, yan ang gusto ko." No, I am not a masochist.

2008-09-19T02:28:08Z

I was deciding whether to watch another film after watching three movies today or to post another journal entry. Obviously, I decided to blog instead.

There's free PinoyTV (GMA) at Rogers, our cable TV network. It's only for two weeks, I believe, and then we have to subscribe to PinoyTV to continue it. My parents, as well as my sister, seem to enjoy watching GMA again especially Eat Bulaga and SOP. And I missed Bubble Gang last week. But they don't have plans to subscribe since they enjoy it more when it's free, haha XD.

I find the song Ang Pusa Mo by Pedicab catchy. I know what the song is referring to when they sing about... cats but I just find the song catchy, that's all. In case you are so innocent and have no clue what they're singing about, they are referring to the female sex organ, the vagina. Even though I like the song, I don't have a fetish or a thing for sadomasochism, and I am not a sadist or a masochist (I don't believe that some people enjoy hurting others or being hurt by others. It just makes humans seem more immoral.), but I find the lyrics "Pag sinasaktan mo ako, yan ang gusto ko" kind of funny. In the song's music video, it's kind of relieving to see that women are the dominant ones who do the spanking XD haha. Watch the music video to see what I mean hehe XD.

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Wee, I am currently addicted to films Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility. Romance films about strong-willed, outspoken and free-spirited women who are way ahead of their time? With good dialogue? With cute lead actors such as Hugh Grant and Matthew Macfadyen (Heck, even Alan Rickman, who plays Snape in Harry Potter seems adorable in Sense and Sensibility)? What's not to like? If I started reading the actual novels by Jane Austen, I might easily become a Jane Austen groupie XD. I know there are a lot of girls and women who are infatuated with Edward Cullen of the Twilight series (Too bad, they are probably going to be disappointed with the guy who plays him at the movie *chuckles*) but I say Darcy of Pride and Prejudice is more adorable and more romantic than Edward Cullen or any good-looking vampire out there. Haha XD. We become too picky in men and have an impossibly high criteria for men because of fictional male characters such as Darcy XD.

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My family and I plan to go to France and Italy next year during the summer. I hope that this time we really get to go there. Last year, we were planning to go to Europe but I don't know what happened with that plan. I will try to save some money for the trip as well, if there's any spare money at all after I buy tons of DVDs XD. I believe we are going to stay at those two countries for two weeks. I am more interested in going to Italy than to France but I am still excited to go to both countries. We have an aunt in Italy who can speak Italian so going around Italy wouldn't be much of a problem for us.

Even after watching Paris Je T'aime (a wonderful films consisting of short stories about love, set in Paris) and tons of movies (mostly romance movies) set in Paris, I still don't understand the notion that Paris, France is the most romantic place in the whole world.

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It must be sweet to work as a film critic, or any kind of critic for that matter. You get to watch movies for a living. Not only will you be entertained and forget about the real world for a while but you get paid too for that. You get to go around the world to watch at film festivals, especially if you're a respectable and well-renowned critic. You can work at home too, I guess. Travelling, having new experiences, meeting new people, dwelling in the creative and innovative minds of great filmmakers, and perhaps getting a bunch of freebies as well. At least, that's how I imagine life being a film critic is. That could be the life I can have years from now if only I was any better at creative writing. And it's also not exactly easy finding a job as a critic.

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I have always adored the X-Men. I remember that I used to watch the X-Men animated series (the first one) when I was a kid and when it used to air in Philippine TV. And my most favorite mutant would probably be Gambit. Next would be Storm, Psylocke and Rogue. I also watched X-Men Evolution when it aired at channel Studio 23. I never liked Spiderman, Captain America, Iron Man, Superman, and Batman, a bunch of patriotic superheroes who wear masks and costumes to hide their true identities and enjoy saving damsels in distress (Why is it that in superhero comic books/films, it's always the women who need help? You never see a middle-aged or young man needing help from a falling object or from the villain. It's so annoying). I just can never relate with those male superheroes or I just simply don't like men with misplaced underwear and tight uncomfortable outfits.

The X-Men are different, being feared and disliked by ordinary humans, as they are seen as threats to their simple and normal lives and to the whole universe. And they are feared by humans because humans don't understand anything about them. It's human nature; people fear anything or anyone that they can't understand and don't know anything of. Maybe this is why I have liked X-Men more than those other superheroes ever since I was a kid. Any person who belongs to a minority group can easily relate to the mutants of X-Men.

Not to mention that the X-Men are a very diverse group (and not only full of Caucasian members). They are of different races, origins, genders and sexual orientation. They also consist of strong and capable women (this is always something good for feminists like me) and there are a couple of gay, lesbian and bisexual characters such as Colossus and Mystique. Yes, Colossus, that macho and hot guy who can turn to metal, is gay :D, at least in one of the comic book versions.

And who wouldn't dream of having mutant powers and abilities? Storm's power to control and manipulate the forces of nature? Professor X's ability to read one's mind? Shadowcat's unique ability to phase through solid matter? Mystique's shapeshifting talents? And Angel's flying abilities?

From a closet queen to a conformist to a bitter teen to a rocker wannabe to a movie addict.

2008-09-15T00:50:17Z

I used to enjoy when this specific person in my life suffered. I know that makes me seem like a cruel person but that's the truth. I know that they have a term for people who enjoy when other people suffer but I don't think I am like that. I try to feel sorry for him but I can't. I felt more cheerful and better when he had huge problems. I am not a sadist; I don't like seeing others in pain. I just like seeing him suffer from emotional problems and school problems. I guess it's because of the fact that I had a huge crush on him and I knew that no matter what, he wasn't going to feel the same way for me too. Now that I think about it, I was a close friend of his girlfriend, and I really hated it whenever both or one of them seemed blissful or happy. Ugh, no matter how I explain it, enjoying when they suffer, as well as being depressed when they don't, still makes me seem like a horrible person. At least by writing this, I am trying to get to know myself more, even the side of me that I loathe.

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There should be a newspaper that only reports about good news and non of bad and tragic news. I got this idea from Lorelai Gilmore of Gilmore Girls haha XD. The newspaper would celebrate stuff such as the successful childbirths everyday (instead of the tragic deaths and accidents), the mass adoption of pets in need of homes (instead of the ongoing wars in the Middle East), the fact that the great people who have contributed so much to our society in fields of politics, science, etc. are still alive (instead of talking about corrupt politicians), and the fact that we live in a democratic and liberated society. Wouldn't that be a nice newspaper that could easily make your day better and make you feel more cheerful for the rest of the day? Enough of reporting about terrorism, wars going on in the Middle East, natural disasters destroying poor lives and homes, etc. Then again, that would be hiding ourselves from the other side of truth. It would make people become innocent and naive about what's happening around the world. It would be basically lying and fooling ourselves. Okay, forget about everything I said but it's still a lovely and pleasant thought.

But I still think we should cut some stuff out of newspapers today such as the trashy gossip section about celebrities and anything else shallow. It just shows the superficial and horrible side of people.

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It's been more than four years since I first came to Canada, and I couldn't help but notice that I have changed so much within those years. And I usually hate change even though I know that change is inevitable but at least I am aware that I have changed. For the better, I hope.

From an innocent, helpless and naive schoolboy, I became a very shy conformist who tried so hard to fit in and make friends in my new high school. Only probably before Grade 11 had I realized that I really had nothing in common with my friends. Then from a conformist, I slowly turned to a bitter, depressed and suicidal teen who madly fell in ~~love~~ lust with a straight guy, who was ~~a friend~~ an acquaintance of mine back in high school. I was also annoyingly pessimistic and couldn't see the bright side of life for months. Back then of course, I was also this rocker wannabe, even though I knew I had bad taste in music and I only listened to those pop rock and mainstream bands, as well as a guy in denial of his sexual orientation who would tell his friends that he had a crush on a woman, not to mention that I also had a lousy hairstyle and a bad set of clothes. Eww, now I can't believe I was like that before.

Then, I finally decided to come out of the closet, first to my family and one of my best friends, Ana. I became more comfortable with myself and my identity and I tried to be myself. I also became more mature, or at least less childish. I also suddenly grew an interest in films. Mind you, I loved watching films ever since I was a kid but it was not until now that I began having a wide range of films to choose from and loving films of different genres and styles. I have found my true passion in life when it was too late. I became more of a liberal and feminist person. I also became more open-minded and more blunt to topics such as sex. Of course, there are some things that never changed. I am still lazy, preachy, stubborn, anxious, insecure, self-conscious, and shy. I also still have a bad taste in music XD.

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I am currently reading The Handmaid's Tale. I decided to buy it since the price seems reasonable. So far, the first chapters are more of a description of the dystopian setting but the novel still seems interesting. I can't wait to read more. At least, it keeps me busy and occupied during class and while I am commuting XD.

I drink your milkshake. I drink it up.

2008-09-12T14:29:24Z

The title is that infamous quote from the film There Will Be Blood, uttered by Daniel Day-Lewis' character in the lengthy yet unforgettable and shocking last scene. It has no relevance to this post but I just love the priceless quote XD and the movie is pretty awesome too.

Right now, I am in the library doing non-academic stuff, and I skipped again since it's so friggin' boring in that Marketing class and I couldn't do other stuff without the professors and the other people beside me noticing me.

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I miss Yellowcab, Teriyaki Boy, David's Tea House and Cibo :(.

Thanks to Ate Madel, my cousin, for treating my sister and I on our vacation in the Philippines weeks ago when we were staying at their place in Mandaluyong. Now that I'm back here in Canada, I miss eating out and now I have lost appetite for Korean grills, buffets and regular fast food joints here XD. I also miss tokneneng, fishballs, and other street food. I only got a chance to eat street food twice during my vacation in the Philippines, and at the second time I did eat some street food, it was raining hard at about 9:30 pm as my friends and I waited for a jeepyney to go back home XD. Gosh, I am going to miss those little things, and I am never going to forget that kind of stuff. D'oh, I also didn't even get a chance to eat some balut even though I only like the juice and the yellow stuff.

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There was a time, a long long time ago, when I had been inspired to write by Bob Ong, even by just writing a couple of short stories (most of them unfinished and awful) and online journal entries. I had a Bob Ong phase, and now I am currently having a Jessica Zafra phase. This time, I am not exactly inspired to write after finally realizing that I suck at writing prose and fiction, not to mention poetry too.

I really love Jessica Zafra's writing style better than Bob Ong's. Bob Ong's writing is funny (at least most of the time), thought-provoking, and insightful but I still prefer Zafra's style over his. Her style is more sarcastic, more witty, more personal, more interesting, and more... twisted XD. If only I had a wider vocabulary and some actually good writing skills, I'd make proper reviews about her books and her writing style. Plus, Jessica Zafra has such a great taste in movies. I believe she loves movies like Casablanca, A Room with A View, In The Mood For Love, The Crying Game, Moulin Rouge!, Y Tu Mama Tambien, Some Like It Hot and Alfred Hitchcock movies (which for me too are all phenomenal movies). She also has good taste in music and books.

Truth be told, I am not fond of reading novels. I used to say I like to read but you can tell that I don't. Note: When you only read stuff like the Harry Potter series, the Twilight series, Da Vinci Code, Paulo Coehlo's books, and Bob Ong's books, more or less you are just a conformist, who just follows fads, and a bibliophile wannabe. It's because an avid reader reads other books aside from the bestseller ones. I only enjoyed reading Animal Farm, Harry Potter and Bob Ong's books and only until recently have I started reading Jessica Zafra's books.

But even though I am not fond of reading, I really need to read something at least once a week to keep me occupied when I am at a bus or at the subway because two hours or more, going back and forth from home to my school, can be very awfully boring. Instead of worrying about school stuff, I should be calmly reading a book so I won't always be tense and anxious. I am currently interested to read a book by Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid's Tale. Since it has feminist themes, it seems so interesting to me.

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Yehey, we're going to move to our new home by the first week of October. I can't wait even though I have to carry a bunch of heavy stuff. I hate the moving part but I can't wait to live in our new home. It's not far from our current place but it's very far from my community college. Great, now I have to wake up minutes earlier than the usual. Ironically, our new home is just a walk away from a near community college, the one that I really wanted to go to in the first place because it's really near. Ugh, life's too cruel to me sometimes. But at least, we won't be living in a semi-detached house anymore and the neighborhood seems nice (I hate the word "nice" just like Clementine from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind but I couldn't think of a better term). And the basement seems very comfortable and huge. If given permission, my friends and I could stay overnight there at the basement, watch movies, and whatnot. Then again, most of my close friends have very strict parents and are usually not allowed to have sleepovers over some friend's place. Our new house also seems bigger, plus I get to do less household chores XD.

Fuckity fuck fuck.

2008-09-10T18:38:49Z

To quote from Hugh Grant's character from the film Four Weddings and a Funeral, I say with great anger "Fuckity fuck fuck".

I don't usually use cuss words. Really. I only swear when I am really pissed off or when I accidentally do something and nobody's around to hear me swear. It's not because I try to be such a goody-goody person but because it's against my principles. I am sorry if I offended anyone but hey, I am really moody and pissed off today. Then again, I always say the words shit and bullshit (but why are they even considered cusswords when they just literally mean poop or crap?).

Anyway, why am I swearing? Life has been basically good for me especially during this year but now I have a lot of regrets. I regret not even bothering to find a part-time job during high school on my own. I regret not continuing to send resumes and go to interviews after my crappy first interview which obviously didn't turn out so well. I regret not volunteering during my second semester when I had the chance. Now, I have no idea how can I be accepted for a job in my Co-op course because now I have no references, no past work experience and not much to write in my fucking resume and cover letter whatsoever. Good luck to me then.

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The Toronto International Film Festival is about to end this Saturday, and I have never even seen a single film out of the hundreds of movies premiering at the film festival. My excuse would be that the tickets cost so much but I still would like to experience going to a film festival. Heck, I don't even know the venues and I have never even been to where the hundreds of indie, foreign (and unfortunately mainstream) movies will screen and where countless concerts will take place.

I could easily go to the film festival from my school downtown and I live near downtown Toronto, where there are usually a lot of events going on like festivals and whatnot but I don't like going to those kinds of events alone. Now that I think about it, I have never ever went to any art exhibitions, music concerts, Broadway musicals, stand-up shows, conventions, or any kind of social events with my friends or even by myself even though I want to go to such events so badly. I should go out more.

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I believe that I have a fairly good taste when it comes to films but why do I have such bad taste in music? I mean, ABBA? The Beatles? Simple Plan? Maroon 5? Rihanna? Ugh. Pure mainstream music. If I had a mp3 player (My mp3 player is broken and I have no plans to buy one anymore. I could instead read when I am commuting or when I have nothing else to do), my playlist would consist of disco, pop, rock and ballad, and pop rock music. Even thinking about it is a scary thought and makes me shiver. Hey, The Beatles' music are good, and the Beatles are legends too, but let's face it, they're too famous and have been adored and worshipped by so many fans especially during their time. Then again, I love the Beatles' film, A Hard Day's Night, so much and wouldn't be bothered if I ever watch it over and over again. The only good and actually interesting songs in my playlist would probably be the ones that I heard on films playing on the background and that I found so catchy that I just had to find out the title and singer/band of the song.

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Am I heartless and numb inside? I always ask myself that whenever I don't cry when I am supposed to cry and whenever I don't show my affections and feelings towards the people I really care for. Back at the time when we were in the Philippines, when my dad used to go back to Dubai after he spent only one month of vacation in the Philippines every year, I wouldn't cry, or at least I wouldn't cry until my sister starts crying. I think that I have a soft spot for my sister and that deep down, I really care so much for her.

Weeks ago when I was about to go back to Canada after spending five weeks in the Philippines, I couldn't cry. Yes, I was deeply sad and I knew I wouldn't be seeing my hometown, my relatives and my friends for such a long time yet I couldn't release the feelings I was experiencing back then. You see, I think of crying as a release of what you're feeling deep inside and when I can't cry, it's like I am trapping a lot of emotions inside. I can cry at a handful of movies yet I can't cry when it is about not seeing my loved ones for a long time. Then again, I never really expressed my emotions and feelings openly that much even to the people I am close to.

My List of Hot Sexy Gorgeous Men in Cinema. Yummy.

2008-09-07T03:47:12Z

Since only a few read my previous post with a list of films that really made me cry, I am now going to make another list, something that might interest you more, this time a list of the film actors whom I really find sexy and attractive. Intellect and good taste are now being replaced or reduced to animalistic desire and lust. If you expect actors like Orlando Bloom, Tobey Maguire, George Clooney and all those pretty boys to be on this list, you're wrong. Because Orlando Bloom is too pretty. Tobey Maguire is too muscular. George Clooney is too overrated. Johnathan Rhys-Meyers is too effeminate. Daniel Radcliffe is too young. Keanu Reeves is too average-looking. And Jude Law is too... tanned. I also only don't look at their physical appearances but I also look at their acting range and capabilities. Now here are the ten men in cinema whom I find most attractive:

1. Gael Garcia Bernal- I declare him the greatest actor of today's cinema (Cate Blanchett would be the greatest actress). When I watched Y Tu Mama Tambien, the film that introduced me to Gael Garcia Bernal, Diego Luna, and director Alfonso Cuaron, at first I found Diego Luna more handsome between the two lead actors but after watching more films starring Gael Garcia Bernal, I found Gael more attractive even though Diego is prettier. I must admit that I felt horny after watching Julio (Bernal) and Tenoch (Luna) of Y Tu Mama Tambien masturbate by the swimming pool and have a threesome with Luisa (Maribel Verdu). Those scenes were that hot and orgasmic. I think I have seen almost all of Bernal's films, at least eight of them, but I must say that he knows how to pick his films as most of the films he is in tend to receive critical acclaim and tons of awards. It's also good that he knows how to speak Spanish, English, and some French. That'd be a plus in case you are dating him, no? He's great in his films Babel, Amores Perros, The King, El Crimen del Padre Amaro, etc. But his most delicious performance in film is when he portrays a gay crossdresser in Pedro Almodovar's Bad Education. Well, let's just say he has such a diverse role in this film and you have to watch it to find out as the film actually has some plot twists.

2. Ewan McGregor- What a piece of art. What a beautiful creation of God. Not only does he have a killer smile, a pleasant-to-hear voice, and a sexy body, he also has versatility and all what it takes to be an actor. My sister always corrects me whenever I pronounce Ewan's name wrong (She also has a crush on him). According to her, it's pronounced YU-WAN, not EH-WAN. Best known for his role as Obi-Wan Kenobi (A mullet's really not a good look for you, Papa Ewan haha), Ewan is more memorable in his films Moulin Rouge!, Big Fish and Trainspotting. Who wouldn't fall in love with Ewan as he sings Elephant Love Medley and Come What May with the beautiful and wonderful woman, Nicole Kidman? I just hope he does another musical. And it is a plus that in most of his films, he has a scene where he is nude, fully naked. Yum, that nicely-tanned skin. Yum, that chest and those abs of his. I guess he likes showing off, huh? He also portrays gay and bisexual characters in a bunch of films: Velvet Goldmine, Scenes of a Sexual Nature and The Pillow Book and in the upcoming film I Love You Philip Morris. Of those movies, I only haven't seen The Pillow Book but I must watch it even just for the possibility that he might kiss another man again in that film.

3. Brad Pitt- He is adored and talked about by a lot of people who don't even watch any of his films and who just care about the personal lives of celebrities. I don't even care about what happens in his personal life. I think that even the lives of celebrities shouldn't be any of our business. I just love watching actors and actresses do their best performances onscreen. Anyway back to the topic, most of his films especially Snatch, Fight Club, Se7en, and Thelma and Louise are great and even though he seems like your average pretty boy, he knows how to pick his movies. But the fact that he always chooses testosterone-driven movies is besides the point. Who wouldn't like him in Fight Club where he boasts his well-built body and delicious abs and and where there are small hints of homoeroticism between Edward Norton and him (until of course, you find about the twist)? In Snatch where he does this adorable and hilarious Pikey accent? In Thelma and Louise where his character acts like an innocent and charming hitchhiker and turns out to be a thief? In Babel where he portrays a sympathetic middle-aged man trying to save both his injured wife (Cate Blanchett) and his relationship with her? I can't wait to see him in the Coen brothers' film Burn After Reading, and I also have yet to watch 12 Monkeys and Interview with the Vampire.

4. Daniel Day-Lewis- Ah, Daniel Day-Lewis. Such an amazing and talented actor with a gorgeous face, a wide acting range and versatility in his film roles. He has such versatile roles, and he has different looks in each film of his that it seem like he is shapeshifting and having transformations in every film of his. Truth be told, I only have seen him in three films of his: There Will Be Blood, My Beautiful Laundrette, and A Room with A View. And I love all of the three films. His sexiest role is in My Beautiful Laundrette where he plays a gay skinhead who is in a secret relationship with a Pakistani man. And the most blissful scene is where he licks Omar, his lover, by his neck. That's a hot and steamy scene for you XD. But he does play unlikable characters such as the snobbish and arrogant character in A Room with A View as well as the greedy man in There Will Be Blood but that just shows his versatility and ability to choose different kinds of roles, and not just simple and unchallenging ones. I can't wait to watch My Left Foot, The Unbearable Lightness of Being and The Ballad of Jack and Rose. Apparently, he is going to star in an upcoming musical film titled Nine along with other well-known actresses after the filmmakers found out that he also has an amazing voice. I guess he is also multi-talented, huh? That makes me more turned on for him :D. I can't wait to watch this musical film next year.

5. Tony Leung Chiu Wai- Even if he is now in his mid-40s, I still imagine myself doing unspeakable things with him, hahaha. Known for being the protagonist in most of Wong Kar Wai's films, Tony Leung is the definition of coolness. He looks cool when he smokes a cigarette and even when he is just doing something simple like tying his necktie. He is so cool even in his cameo appearance in Days of Being Wild. He also knows how to pick his movies; I guess he has good taste. Most of you might know him as one of the three warriors who want to assassinate the emperor in the film Hero and as the ruthless and despicable villain in Ang Lee's recent film Lust, Caution. Although he does have a beard and a mustache in Hero and you just want to kill him and do the job of the spies yourself in Lust, Caution, he still looks hot until now. I particularly like his roles in Chungking Express where he portrays a policeman whom Faye Wong's character is in love with and who is a regular customer at this snack bar and in Happy Together where he portrays a gay man who is in a not-so-good relationship with a man who has self-destructive behavior. In the first scene of Happy Together, he has a kissing and bed scene with male actor Leslie Cheung where both of them are half-naked (Isn't that hot?) heehee.

6. Joseph Gordon-Levitt- Yes, he's that guy from that awful teen movie 10 Things I Hate About You, a terrible excuse for a film by the way but isn't he one of the few gorgeous and talented actors of his generation? He's cute whatever his look is, whether he has curly or straight hair, whether he shaved all his hair or not, whether he looks untidy or neat. He might have had some poor choices of film roles when he was young but now it seems like he is only after good film roles. He has now already portrayed a gay prostitute who has been deeply affected by a very traumatic childhood memory in Gregg Araki's Mysterious Skin, a teenager who tries to find out what has happened to his girlfriend in the neo-noir film Brick, and a brain-damaged guy who becomes involved with gang members in The Lookout. I really do hope he does some more great movies even though I didn't particularly like both Brick and The Lookout. But what is he doing now, acting in a film such as Stop-Loss (a movie that only seems good for its eye candy: Ryan Philippe, Channing Tatum and himself)? He is also going to be in the upcoming film G.I. Joe? What the heck? But at least, he does star in Spike Lee's upcoming film Miracle at St. Anna.

7. Edward Norton- He might look so puny compared to his Fight Club co-star Brad Pitt but he is sure as heck in the leagues of Robert Downey Jr. and Russell Crowe when it comes to good acting, not to mention he's hot XD. Let's not talk about his awful role in the ridiculous film Death to Smoochy and talk about his contribution to great movies instead. He has a small part in Frida, a film about the eccentric, accident-prone and marvelous artist Frida Kahlo, but it is still a noticeable one. He might not be David Bowie or Elton John but he sure can sing as he proves it in Woody Allen's only musical Everyone Says I Love You where he sings My Baby Just Cares For Me along with Drew Barrymore. In Everyone Says I Love You, he looks so dorky and cute with his hairstyle and all. He is also the protagonist of American History X, where he is a racist, misogynistic and anti-Semitic skinhead who changes a lot after spending years in prison, and Spike Lee's 25th Hour. I haven't actually seen 25th Hour but I'm working on it. Of course, he is very well-known for his anti-consumerism beliefs in Fight Club. Wouldn't even you like to sign up for Fight Club, just to have a fighting match against a shirtless Edward Norton? Haha. Did I also mention that I always dream of having a menage-a-trois with Brad Pitt and Edward Norton? Heehee.

8. Takeshi Kaneshiro- Yes, he's a pretty-boy type but he is one of the only few pretty boys in my list. He's just too handsome not to be on this list. He just seems like the commercial model type because of his pretty face and nice build (He has such a gorgeous body heehee) and in fact I believe he is. He is a model and endorser for most of the products in Japan just like how Richard Gutierrez, Toni Gonzaga and Sam Milby are in the Philippines. but that's not the reason why I like him and I find him attractive. It's not only because he's so pretty; it's also because of his versatile roles, great acting skills, and fluency in Japanese and Taiwanese (Don't you also find anyone who speaks in more than two languages irresistibly hot?) As far as I can remember, I have only seen him in three film: Chungking Express, House of Flying Daggers and Fallen Angels. He is just so adorable and cute in the Wong Kar Wai films that he appears in as he has such hilarious roles. Come on, playing a mute and romantic person who takes over other people's jobs without informing them at night and a man who buys cans of pineapple with an expiration of May 1 just because pineapples are his ex-girlfriend's favorite and May 1 is his birthday? Isn't that cute?

9. Jake Gyllenhaal- Well-known for his role as a repressed gay cowboy and his pairing with the late Heath Ledger in the tragic film Brokeback Mountain, he is one of the sexiest Hollywood men. And the fact that he kisses another man onscreen makes him even hotter and somehow shows his gentle and sensitive side, even his willingness to accept different and daring roles.  I also remember that he has a nude scene in Brokeback Mountain where he shows his nice butt XD. I usually don't like too muscular and bulky men but even excessive exercise and bulking up fit Jake Gyllenhaal well. He is also known for his lead role in the overrated film Donnie Darko where he portrays an eccentric and supposedly schizophrenic teenager who can see this huge scary bunny and thinks that the world is going to end in a few days. The only interesting scene in the film is when Gyllenhaal's character is masturbating and imagining stuff while lying on a couch. I kept thinking "Take off your shirt, Papa Jake! Take off the friggin' shirt and let me see your nice body!" Too bad, he doesn't XD. The fact that I was only interested at that scene shows how much I disliked the whole film and how ridiculous and unconvincing the film is. Gyllenhaal also stars in the film Zodiac, which is so scary and terrifying to me because it is actually based on true events. Oh, he is also in that excuse for a movie, The Day After Tomorrow (Ugh).

10. Hugh Grant- Yes, he is the guy in those shamefully awful romantic comedy flicks (Notting Hill, Two Weeks Notice, Bridget Jones' Diary, Music and Lyrics) but you've gotta love him for his charisma, charming smile, neat hairdo, and lovely English accent. He's also known for his bad temper and arrogance but that's a different story. Just for the dancing number he does in Love Actually to the tune of Jump, he goes to the top of my list of the most gorgeous men in cinema. After watching Love Actually (which is a great movie by the way and one of his best movies), I just had to search for that scene in Youtube and watch the scene all over and over again until I realize how ridiculous it is and what it is doing to me. Hugh is so cute in that scene that it makes me giggle and laugh. I know that his latest movies aren't that good and are just for cliched entertainment but I believe he is in a great movie, Maurice. I still have yet to watch the whole film as I couldn't get a copy with English subtitles (The film's in English but now I can't watch anything without subtitles) but Hugh Grant plays a gay character in the film. That would make me giggle and melt right where I'd be sitting.

If I could add more, I'd include Adrien Brody (The Pianist), Diego Luna (Y Tu Mama Tambien), Hugo Weaving (The Lord of the Rings), Colin Firth (Bridget Jones' Diary), John Cusack (Say Anything) and Benicio del Toro (21 Grams). If I were to include men in old classic Hollywood cinema, I'd include Gene Kelly, James Stewart and Humphrey Bogart.

10 Heartbreaking/Heartwarming Films that Made Me Cry

2008-08-29T19:52:36Z

Forgive me for not even mentioning that I was on a hiatus. I seemed to notice that some of my LJ friends deleted me from their friends list and I can't really blame them. I couldn't find time or the mood to blog because of the time I spent on video games and movies and in the Philippines (for 5 weeks) this vacation.

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So I just came back last Tuesday (Wednesday morning in Philippine time) from my 5-week vacation in the Philippines. The flight to Canada got delayed so I think we were two to four hours late. Anyway all I can say is, I want to go back again to the Philippines so badly. There I was able to relax with not spending too much time on the computer as well as not doing a lot of household chores (since there's a maid). And like I said to my friends, life in the Philippines is more enjoyable and less mundane (at least, that's what I think). I got to see my relatives again and I got to do and see things that I so badly missed in the Philippines. And the best thing of my vacation is, I got to see all of my high school friends, the members of the group Trofamael and my friends since 2nd year high school, once again (except Noe, who has been in Singapore for a while now). I also spent a lot of time hanging out with them. Sulit talaga yung bakasyon ko sa Pilipinas.

Of course, I felt sad because I didn't get to see my first ~~love~~ crush. But that's a different story. We only talked to each other almost everyday during 3rd year because I was also friends with his friends so we weren't that close anyway. So, it was really unlikely that I was to meet him during my vacation there.

To all my friends in the Philippines, I am going to miss all of you guys :( :D. And thanks for taking time out of your busy schedules to hang out and spend some time with me.

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I love musicals. Musical is one of my favorite movie genres. I am not really as optimistic, high and happy as the people in musicals but I just enjoy them. And despite what most people think, not all musicals are exactly happy people who suddenly burst into song whenever they have fallen in love or are expressing their love and joy.

Not all musicals are annoyingly jolly and are about butterflies and rainbows although I must admit that I did enjoy Singin' in the Rain, The Sound of Music, and The Wizard of Oz despite the cheesiness and the overly optimistic characters but I still loathe musicals such as An American in Paris and High School Musical with great passion. Some musicals (mostly the latest ones, the indie ones) have forgotten about the conventions and guidelines of the musical genre. They have taken a step further by giving more realism, flair, colors and aesthetics to it (examples: Moulin Rouge! and Hedwig and the Angry Inch) and having tragic endings, instead of happily ever after ones (examples: Dancer in the Dark). They even dare to put a dark and dramatic side to musicals.

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I am a movie addict and that's so obvious if you frequently read my blog. But even though I am addicted to movies, I particularly favor drama, comedy and musical films over films of other genres. Although I love drama films and I have seen a huge number of overly depressing films that aren't manipulative, I only cried at a small number of movies. I think I only cried at about ten movies. Here are the ten films, without any particular order, that have been able to make me cry.

1. Dancer in the Dark- Who wouldn't cry while watching the last scenes of this film? Even as Selma and Cvalda burst into song towards the end, it's still a scene that is painful to watch. Even after watching the whole movie and during the ending credits, I suddenly burst into tears and became extremely depressed for a while as I remember the painfully heartbreaking ending. The movie just makes you lose hope and become pessimistic all of a sudden. It will make you think why do tragic things happen to good and selfless people such as Selma. It makes you hate people and human nature for a while until you watch another movie, an uplifting and moving film that will show you again the goodness and supposedly altruistic nature of humans. I recommend this film to people who are considered by others devoid of emotion.

2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind- I am sure that some of you are wondering why this film is even in this list. Yes, this is my all-time most favorite film until now. Yes, I am still waiting to watch a film that can exceed the greatness of Eternal Sunshine. But this is in my list because there is this scene in the film that always makes me cry whenever I watch it. There are a lot of beautiful scenes in the film but this is the only one that just easily makes me burst into tears. It never fails. The scene isn't necessarily an important part of the film. It is just one of Joel's childhood memories, the one where it is raining and the little Joel is singing "Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream." And the adult Joel suddenly starts to act like a child again. The scene is just so powerful, beautiful and nostalgic accompanied with the incredibly melancholic music that it makes me cry.

3. After the Wedding (Efter Bryllupet)- After the continuous revelations and surprises, I find sympathy for the character who is supposed to be this wealthy and greedy man who doesn't care much about the other people suffering around the world and yet suddenly donates in this Indian orphanage for his own personal reasons. This man also shows care for his wife and his children, after all, so it is not entirely impossible to have some sympathies for his 3-dimensional character. The scene that made me cry is where his daughter, Anna, finds out about her father's deep secret and cries beside him. I tried to describe this as much as I could without telling any spoilers.

4. Whale Rider- I believe that Keisha Castle-Hughes, the young lead actress of this film, was nominated for her great performance in this film, and I definitely agree that she deserved those awards. I mean, her character has been capable of making me cry. Who wouldn't care for such a loving and determined heroine like her? Their tribe has sexist traditions and only allows a man to be the tribe's chief, and Paikea wants to be the chief, despite being female, to replace her brother. She proves that she has the qualities and skills to become the leader yet her conservative grandfather has lost his respect of her and is too egoistic and stubborn to consider her as the chief. Unlike the film Dancer in the Dark, this film gives so much hope that it makes you cry in the ending. If it weren't for the great music, the magnificent presence of the whales and the actress playing Paikea, the last scene wouldn't be as powerful as it is.

5. Lost and Delirious- I think I am probably only one of the few who cried in this film. I cried in the very end where something tragic happens among the three main characters. The love between Pauline and Victoria, the two women, is so sweet and as normal as straight and gay love that it shouldn't be something so tragic. The two have been secret lovers and when Victoria's sister finds out about their relationship and intimacy, Victoria suddenly denies the fact that they were lovers and the fact that she is a lesbian. This becomes painful for Pauline who is deeply in love with her as she becomes depressed, hot-tempered and suicidal. The narration of Mary, the roommate who is the witness to all that has happened between Pauline and Victoria, made the last scene very depressing as well as the eagle which quickly soars to the sky in the last moments of the film.

6. It's A Wonderful Life- The last scene where everyone sings Auld Lang Syne by the Christmas tree is the one which just made me cry out of happiness. This film really will move even the most cynical and most bitter person but then again, a bitter person wouldn't even dare touch this film. It will make you appreciate life so much as it is really a life-affirming film with a pleasant ending. It has captured my heart right from the very first half of the film. James Stewart, the actor who portrays George Bailey, the lead protagonist, has a very kind and sensitive aura to him that it is very impossible to not feel sympathy and care towards his character. A giving, saint-like and selfless character who gives his dreams away for the benefit of the people in his hometown deserves all the tears in the world.

7. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly- This is a biographical film about a man who suddenly becomes paralyzed all over his body and becomes capable of only moving his eyes. The filmmakers deal with the subject matter in a nostalgic and heartwarming manner and with understanding. They intended the audience to see the film literally in the eyes of the physically paralyzed man so it is as if we are suffering with the same condition. And who can't possibly cry by the end when we can easily relate with him and we can almost understand what he's going through? Or cry by the mesmerizing beauty of this film, the beautiful imagery shown in the film? The filmmakers also don't make the mistake of treating him as only someone just to pity for as we also find some of his comments very cynical and bitter and we learn more about his life, the women in his life, etc.

8. Magnifico- Almost everyone who have watched this film cried. I didn't expect to cry while watching this film but I did. I couldn't help it myself. I actually tried to stop my tears from flowing because I was watching it in a public place, in the library, but I couldn't. I guess it's the performances of Jiro Manio, Lorna Tolentino and Isabella de Leon that make the film so moving and powerful. I mean, who would want that to happen to such a loving protagonist who cares so much for his mentally disabled sister and his ill grandmother? The scene where Jiro Manio's character brings his sister to the carnival is so touching, and the scene where Magnifico's mother cries for him is so tearjerking.

9. Crash- It is probably one of the very few films that is able to make me cry two times in two completely different scenes. This movie about discrimination and prejudice among different races and with interconnected stories works because of the huge number of powerful and moving scenes in it. Two of these scenes (the ones that made me cry) are the one where a woman is saved from a flaming car that is about to explode by the policeman who sexually abused and mistreated her the other day and the one where the enraged man is about to shoot the man who has fixed his locks when the young girl saves her father with her "invisibility cloak".

10. Au Revoir, Les Enfants- It is probably the most compelling and most heartbreaking film about the Holocaust, more powerful than The Pianist and Aimee and Jaguar and a little bit there in the rankings of the film Casablanca. Not necessarily set in Germany, it is instead set in France. A boy suddenly becomes close with a boy who turns out to be Jewish. During these Holocaust times, the priest in charge of the school decides not to just sit back and do nothing but to at least help some Jews hide from the intolerant and cruel Nazis and let them study at their school. The last scene is one of the most painful-to-watch scenes in film not because it is gory and violent but because it shows how people can be very cruel and heartless sometimes. And it is hard to cope with the fact that you weren't able to do anything to help your friend.

108 Stars of Destiny

2008-04-29T03:54:30Z

Wow, I haven't posted a blog entry in a while. Again. It's been exactly a month since I have written a journal entry. And once again, I am truly sorry that I haven't posted comments in your blogs for such a long time. I'd actually understand if you didn't write a comment here since I rarely comment in your blogs. But I still want to post an entry after such a long time.

It's vacation time, and here I am bumming out at home XD. Yes, you knew it, I am too lazy to even find a part-time job. I know, I feel so bad for not finding one but as usual, my laziness overcomes my guilt.

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Remember my last post where I wrote that I wanted to play Final Fantasy VIII so badly but I didn't have a PS1 memory card? Well, I found a way to play PS1 games in the computer :D. I have been playing FFVIII, FFIX and Suikoden II since my previous journal entry. And I must say that it was nice playing FFVIII and FFIX as those games brought back a lot of my childhood memories but heck, FFVIII and FFIX aren't as awesome as any of the Suikoden games (well, except Suikoden IV because that was just a bad game). Suikoden can beat Final Fantasy anytime. I am playing Suikoden II right now, and it is so addicting. After that, I plan to try playing Suikoden I. Yes, I am going backwards (I played Suikoden V first, Suikoden IV second and so on and so forth). After Suikoden II, I actually plan to quit playing video games, well until the releases of the next Suikoden games which won't be any sooner.

I actually can't believe I didn't play or hear of Suikoden I, II, and III years ago. The story and the concept, especially the part about the runes and the Stars of Destiny, are original, and the multiple characters are just what I need in a RPG. The characters are also very interesting and three-dimensional. The gameplay is simple and unoriginal but the customizations such as the runes, formations, skills, etc. make it more complex and add more features to the game.

After playing both Suikoden I and II, I plan to go back to my non-stop movie marathons XD. I need my dosage of Groucho Marx's funny antics, Gene Kelly's tap dancing, Woody Allen's witty and intellectual films, Pedro Almodovar's melodrama, Lars Von Trier's depressing realism, queer cinema, foreign films, guilty pleasure movies, etc.

On a random note, I am currently listening to the song California Dreamin' again and again just like Faye Wong's character in the movie Chungking Express. It's no wonder her character keeps listening to this song. The song is addicting XD.

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Last Wednesday, I hanged out with Ana and some of my other friends since Ana was going back to the Philippines for a vacation. Yeah, she is going to the Philippines earlier than me. Anyway, it was fun and I had a great time last Wednesday. I enjoyed spending time with them since I haven't actually hanged out that much with most of them since I am not that close with them. We just talked about some stuff, hanged out at two malls, and went bowling. I spent too much but I guess it was all worth it. Anyway just when I was having a good day, I unexpectedly see those guys I really loathe and my mood is suddenly changed. It would actually have been better if they had just ignored me. And my former crush was with them as usual. I can't believe he has changed so much and he still hangs out with those guys. I don't have any personal reason for hating them but I just hate them. But after Wednesday, I think I now have a personal reason for hating them.

I miss Final Fantasy VIII and the other old RPGs.

2008-03-28T23:04:10Z

Please add me in Multiply if you have an account there :D. I just copy and paste my blog entries from LJ to Multiply but I frequently review some of the movies that I have recently watched.

Does anyone have a PS1 memory card? Why don't they sell PS1s, PS1 games and PS1 memory cards anymore? They only sell them online nowadays, and I don't like buying online. It sucks. Ugh, I can't properly play the Final Fantasy VIII game that I borrowed from my niece and nephew just because I can't save my game on a file. I really do miss playing Final Fantasy VIII.

Since I had no PS1 memory card, I just spent five to six hours playing a new game without saving it a few days ago. I had no choice and I wanted to play more but it was already midnight. I even took some time drawing magic from the enemies, enhancing the abilities of the GFs, etc. I even already had Rinoa in my party. Wow, I am feeling so nostalgic after playing Final Fantasy VIII. I remember the days when video games focused more on the gameplay and the story than on the graphics. I remember the days when RPGs used to be more fun and addicting. I miss Final Fantasy IX, Legend of Mana, Chrono Cross, Front Mission X, etc. too. Does anyone have those games anymore? I don't remember where my old games are but I am pretty sure I left them in the Philippines or my cousin back home has them.

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Isaac Davis: Why is life worth living? It's a very good question. Um... Well, There are certain things I guess that make it worthwhile. uh... Like what... okay... um... For me, uh... ooh... I would say... what, Groucho Marx, to name one thing... uh... um... and Wilie Mays... and um... the 2nd movement of the Jupiter Symphony... and um... Louis Armstrong, recording of Potato Head Blues... um... Swedish movies, naturally... Sentimental Education by Flaubert... uh... Marlon Brando, Frank Sinatra... um... those incredible Apples and Pears by Cezanne... uh... the crabs at Sam Wo's... uh... Tracy's face... (quote copied from the website IMDB.com)

This is one of the best monologues ever in film history. It's from the movie Manhattan directed by Woody Allen. It is being said by another one of Woody Allen's recurring neurotic and pessimistic yet lovable characters. I think you would appreciate the quote more if you watch the movie and if you are familiar with some of the people, music, etc. that he has mentioned in his monologue. I guess those little things in life are the ones that keep us going and living and actually make life worth living.

To me, the things that make my life worthwhile and bearable are, let's see... Cherry cheese danish. Cup noodles. Pedro Almodovar's movies. Sigur Ros' soothing music. Daily orgasms. Happy-ending musicals. Huskies. Oh, Groucho Marx among the three Marx brothers too. Watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Gene Kelly's tap dancing, singing and charisma. Honey and Clover. The beautiful and charming actress Penelope Cruz. Dried mangoes. Woody Allen's romantic comedies, of course. Tony Leung Chiu Wai. Final Fantasy's orchestral music. Rare afternoon naps. Breathtaking sights. The occasional swimming and floating by the beach or at a swimming pool. The frequent feelings of nostalgia. And of course, my family and friends. I can write more but I can't think of more right now.

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Yes, two to three weeks left and I am done with my 1st year of college. And we have a four-month vacation. Isn't that awesome? Wow, I can't wait. After three weeks from now, I can finally rest and stop worrying about my grades and thinking about my studies. And I can also finally watch movies non-stop XD. I also need to find a full-time job for vacation before I go back to the Philippines for a month. I need to save some pocket money so I can spend a lot when I go back home XD.

I feel like I am failing most of my subjects, two or three of them. I think I am going to get 70-79 in some of my subjects. I just hope my grades in my other subjects can help boost my average. I need to pass my exams in order to get a good grade. And I can't even imagine what my parents would say once they find out that I might not even get an A- average.