The way I write is so... uptight. That's why I am incapable of writing any poems. Sure, I can write with only a few unnoticeable grammatical errors. Sure, I am capable of getting my point across the audience but my writing doesn't serenely flow, like a river. It isn't smooth and carefree; it's so structured. I think it should be more effortless. I think too much when I write; I should just let the feelings flow. It's like I keep watching what I do when it should be more natural to me by now.

Along with the other movies this week when I am supposed to be studying instead, I just watched the film Offside directed by Jafar Panahi. And after watching it, all I can say is "Wow!" Even as the movie criticizes how women are not allowed to watch men's sports games in the country of Iran (and vice versa), the film has a feel-good ending, giving us hope as both women and men celebrate the entry of Iran to the World Cup in the game of soccer and the win of Iran against Bahrain.

The women who are big fans of soccer and try to pretend to be men just to enter the stadium (even the soldiers especially the man who is so worried about his family, farm, cattle, etc.) are so lovable and the movie deeply moving. They just want to go watch the games as big fans of soccer but they are not allowed on the grounds that the men will just physically abuse them and the women will just hear the men swearing and using unpleasant words. Like the men, the women just want to support their country and show their deep love for the game of soccer. Jafar Panahi also directs another film that criticizes the treatment of Iranian women in Iran.

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Daniel Day-Lewis is so hot even when playing an obnoxious character in A Room with a View.

Whenever I watch period dramas (there is more to the genre of period drama than just Pride and Prejudice and Jane Austen's works, you know), I always keep thinking how did people back in those periods amuse themselves. Shouldn't they be bored to death without movies, TV, and other kinds of entertainment? I keep wondering what if I was born during those eras. No movies!? No TV!? No video games!? And no Internet!? Then again, they still have the operas, the theater, novels, cabarets and sports and I wouldn't even perceive of the idea of TVs, movies and whatnot since they still didn't exist back then unless of course I was a prodigy in the fields of technology. But of course, I think I spend too much time bumming around and watching movies so I can't imagine surviving without movies and all even though there are other ways to kill time and enjoy oneself.

If I were born in the 19th century, I think I would be fed up with the pretensions of the bourgeoisie, their conservatism, gossiping, self-indulgence, etiquette, proper manners and dreadful social parties. And the duels? What a ridiculous practice even for back then? Whenever one feels that their honor has been disgraced, they allow one to have duels with the person who has disgraced them to the point of killing someone?! Dignity my ass.

Why is he straight? :(

I just confirmed that he is as straight as an arrow. I guess I knew it all along. I just kept hoping even though he really acts masculine and calls me 'tol (I hate it when they call me 'tol or pare; I am not one of the guys and I want a more affectionate term to call me XD). I didn't ask him if he's straight or not or anything like that as he has no idea I'm gay. I just saw his picture of a girl in his cellphone, who I sadly assume is his girlfriend. Down the drain goes my chances, huh, as if I really had a chance in the first place. Oh well. Unlike with other guys, I somehow feel so comfortable around him. I just feel like a child again, getting mad when I don't get to talk to him or don't get to see him and feeling pleasure whenever I smell that masculine perfume of his.

Oh, I'm feeling horny again, just at the thought of him :P.

I am screwed. Hopefully, I get at least a 60 percent mark in Financial Accounting. I don't expect to get a B- anymore since that professor is such a sadistic asshole. The chances of me getting a 70 have gone since the assignment (which most professors just give as giveaways where we can get a chance to gain easy marks) is so hard. That professor is such an uptight man despite the fact that he jokes and goofs around in class. He is so uptight even when it comes to quizzes. Ugh, I am really so pissed off. I just can't wait until my last exam on Wednesday (which is my Financial Accounting exam) is over so I don't have to worry about anything else for the next four months besides volunteering.

I really should update this journal every now and then to put my paid account into full use.