Notice how most of my closest friends are female? Notice how I only have a handful of male friends whom I am really close to? Yup, I don't feel comfortable or I can't seem to act like myself when I am around only men (or boys, depending on their level of maturity). I prefer being around a lot of women over being a lot of men, I feel more comfortable talking and socializing with women. That's why I don't like being friends with an all-male group. I guess I am not capable of dealing with or interacting well with the same sex (a reason why I'm still friggin' single). If there are a couple of guys around in our group, it's fine with me as long as I have a female companion.

Before I came out, there were a bunch of moments where I had to hang out with all of the guys in our group, and I really felt uncomfortable and weirded out. They seemed to notice too since they noticed that I was quiet around them and I seldomly talked. I only felt like myself whenever we were watching anime and playing video games (Smash Bros., woohoo! That was fun even though I kept losing). Those were my only common interests with them back then. After I came out, I have been used to not hanging out with all the guys anymore, which is quite a relief if I think about it, and if I did hang out with some, there were other women around. I guess the oh-so-straight guys aren't okay with my sexuality or maybe we just aren't that close, huh? When I am with the women, I feel more relaxed and I can say and do whatever what I want to say without feeling awkward.

With straight guys, I can't relate at all and I also don't like the way they speak when there are no women around. Straight guys can talk about sex in an immature and disgusting way (as if sex is only "fucking", not out of love and intimacy) and are forced to act and talk all masculinely, afraid of coming off as touchy-feely or sensitive, when among themselves. And the thing I hate the most is that when they are together, guys can also say the most offensive and most insulting jokes, usually homophobic and sexist. And trust me when I say that men are worse gossipers than women. But of course, I'm just generalizing so it doesn't apply to all men.

But now that I think about it, I need to hang out with more gay men. At least, they would be more comfortable to hang out with and, unlike others, they wouldn't convince me that I just haven't met the right woman or that there is a possibility that I am bisexual. That'd be such a good idea if only I wasn't shy at all and was such a social butterfly or if I at least personally knew some of them.

Yes, I am finally done with my midterm exams. It's really a good thing that I only had two midterm exams. Now I can feel more relaxed even though I am afraid of my test results. And I can't afford looking back to notes and to the book to see if the answers that I am unsure of are correct or not because it might just simply make me feel worse. I don't want to get my hopes up too but I still hope that I do get satisfactory grades.

I am amused by the game Rockband. It's so fun to play with, especially when using the drums. I prefer the drums over the bass, guitar and the singing since I have hard time playing the guitar (I am not used with the buttons and to me, it's hard knowing where the buttons are while looking at the screen too). And singing is easier here. You just have to know the song, and even if you haven't heard the song before, you just have to make your pitch right even if you get the lyrics and the tune wrong. My siThe songs are also awesome. Reptilia by The Konks? I'm So Sick by Flyleaf? I Think I'm Paranoid by Garbage? Dani California by Red Hot Chili Peppers? When You Were Young by The Killers? Welcome Home by Coheed and Cambria? What I tell you, awesome.

As of now, I have watched 95 films of IMDB's top 250 films. But the list constantly changes, depending on the ratings of its users. I have realized that most of the films in the list are along the lines of "arthouse crap", "so-called timeless and wholesome classics", "testosterone-driven films by men about men for men", and "mainstream Hollywood action/drama shit". Mind you, I like a lot of the films in the mentioned list, even some of the old classics and Hollywood stuff, but I think the list doesn't have much variety and diversity and are usually plain and wholesome films that are non-threatening to the average white straight male audience (obviously the majority of the movie-going population). And the fact that those movies are in this list and are considered "great films" by almost everyone makes it more likely that people who plan to watch those movies will have a biased opinion about the films and will be forced to give them a high rating. Just because it's elitist to think otherwise. Notice the hint of sarcasm there. There are only a few foreign films in the list (such as City of God, Oldboy and Hayao Miyazaki movies), and most of them are the most accessible ones. Not one single film from the list is directed by a woman or made to please female audiences. Amelie? Juno? Not really, despite the fact that the protagonists are female. Not one single film in the list has themes of homosexuality, bisexuality or transexuality. The closest would probably be either Little Miss Sunshine or Rope, which has subtle homoerotic themes. Some of the films in the list are overrated and pretentious (i.e. Donnie Darko and The Usual Suspects). And most of the movies are from the same directors such as Alfred Hitchcock, Stanley Kubrick, Francis Ford Coppola, and Billy Wilder. Not even Lost in Translation, Chungking Express, Brokeback Mountain, Do The Right Thing, or All About My Mother (which are all great films liked by both critics and cinephiles) is in the list. I smell a conspiracy here.