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We went to the USA again this year and we just arrived from New York yesterday. I could write tons of paragraphs about my complaints and the things I had to deal with during our trip but I won't waste your precious time. It's just that my mom forgot to purchase tickets for returning back to Toronto so we spent a great deal of time finding where to buy tickets back to Toronto, and I had a couple of arguments with my parents as usual. It can't be avoided when I am very frank and irritating and when my parents are very hot-tempered. Here are only a few of my thoughts while I was in New York.

* Apparently of all Hollywood classic movie stars the most well-known and infamous are Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn and Elvis Presley...? You can tell by how many times you'll see their photos and portraits in New York souvenir stores, etc, and they're the only ones you'll see or notice. I guess that's because they're more of icons really to the masses. I mean, I bet most people who know and adore them haven't even watched The Seven Year Itch, Two for the Road or Jailhouse Rock. Occasionally, you might see a James Dean on one but that's rare. I didn't even see a portrait of Judy Garland who is adored by millions and is also a gay icon (to me, she's overrated even with her The Wizard of Oz).
* There's a Red Ribbon store at New Jersey, and it has dinuguan, sago't gulaman, palabok, arroz caldo, chicken teriyaki, etc. in its menu along with the sweets and cakes they sell. Yum. And there are more branches in California (well since, I guess, there are a lot of Pilipinos there).
* I've just seen those Philippine sweets I have been craving for for such a long time at a Filipino-American store. They're those walnut-sugary-brownish thingies XD (I suck at describing things) that my uncle and aunt usually bring back home whenever they go to Iloilo. I found some but they cost $9 US dollars (that's how cheap I am even if I want something so badly) so I didn't even bother buying them although I do regret not buying any. I'll just wait for when my parents go back to the Philippines next year and ask for some from my aunt and uncle.
* I found out that there's a Jollibee franchise at Queens, New York after leaving New York, ugh. I wanted to pig out on most of the food in their menu. That's how much I miss the Philippines. I want to go back; I feel homesick even though I just went exactly a year ago.
* Dunkin' Donuts at the US! After tasting them once again after 5 years or more, I remember that I preferred Mister Donut over Dunkin' Donuts. Mmmm... those powdered mini-donuts with that yellow cream on the inside. Too bad, Dunkin' Donuts don't have those; only Mister Donut does. Boo. But I think I got easily tired of Dunkin' Donuts after eating my share :P.
* Donald Trump should be erased from the face of the earth along with his reality TV show, his image and his corporate businesses, and there should be no more memory left in the minds of the masses of that rich old geezer's face. His business properties should all be burned to ashes and at least a quarter of the evil of this world will disappear along with his businesses.
* The New York's subway is hell, well at first at least. If you think the TTC is confusing, get a load of New York's maze-like subway. It almost seems like a snakes-and-ladders game if you put it together with the map of New York. I guess once you get used to it, it's not that complicated.
* I was so excited to watch a musical at New York but couldn't get to watch one because it's too expensive and I had no one to go with. My sister suddenly changed my mind and didn't want to go watch with me, telling me that I should go watch one when I go back there with my friends and when I have a real job and enough money. By that time, I don't think there will still be showings of Avenue Q and Billy Elliot, the ones that I want to watch so badly.

I enjoyed every fucking second of The Raspberry Reich.

Why wouldn't I when the film is semi-pornographic and propagandistic? It has almost everything I want in a movie: gay pornography, hot guys who are usually fully naked and making out with each other, a woman exploiting her boyfriend to have sex with another man, funny lines, kind-of-bad yet amusing acting performances, gay revolutionary terrorists, and ideals and beliefs shared by both the characters and myself. I just literally grabbed my balls while watching it XD. My heart, my mind and my cock all appreciate this movie, and that's a good sign. Director Bruce LaBruce is today's John Waters and Kenneth Anger <3.

And no, it's not just a gay pornographic film. The gay sex (and even the heterosexual sex at the beginning) is just part of it, really. It's even included in the foreign section of the video store I usually go to even though it's in English :P. I want to have a copy of the film so I can jerk off to it whenever I want to <3. I am going to download it to my USB; I had found a link in the Internet.

The director of Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Pretty in Pink, The Breakfast Club, Home Alone and Planes Trains and Automobiles, John Hughes, died last Thursday. To tell you the truth, I haven't watched any of his movies besides his Home Alone movies. Yes, it's a shock that I haven't even completely seen The Breakfast Club and only watched parts of it. And I have watched a part of Ferris Bueller's Day Off with my mind not exactly focusing on the film itself but even if I probably watched them now, I'd feel indifferent to them or at least they wouldn't give that much of an effect to me as it did to other teens.

I bet HMV's going to sell temporarily a few weeks after his recent death John Hughes' movies for $4-$8 dollars. That's what they did when Paul Newman died. His movies The Verdict, Cool Hand Luke, etc. for 6 dollars each. That's how I got a chance to watch them (the hypocritical me).

Yes, Jeanne Dielman 23 Quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles is going to have its Criterion release. That's a good thing since it's never been, I believe, released in Region 1 DVD format. Yehey, even though I will probably get to watch it by next year when it isn't a new release anymore (to rent it for a dollar less XD).

I bought a hamster for Grace for her birthday and another one for myself. Mine's Monty (due to my lack of originality or creativity) and hers is Oreo (even though it's not even black). And Dad prefers calling the hamsters Kuchu and Kurukutuk respectively >_<. Aww, they are so adorable that Grace keeps taking pictures of them, filling up the memory card with loads of hamster photos (kind of annoying). And I feel neurotic everytime I notice that the hamsters are just staying in a corner, passive, thinking that they might be sick.

My hamster has the opposite traits of mine: active, quick, alert, and with a heightened sense of smell. And Grace's hamster is more timid, more sleepy, and more inactive, the opposite of Grace's personality although both are still intimidated by us, I think. It's actually better to have other living things among us at home, other than those creepy centipedes, crawling spiders, the occasional flies, and Dad's beloved plants. Imagine what happens when I accidentally hit any of his precious plants...

I went out with some of my workmates including two managers XD. That was actually the first time I've been out with any of my workmates. We just went to some restaurant by Wellesley and Church (one of Toronto's gay communities <3, first time I've actually been there too, huh). Also, it's the first time I ever drank tequila. And they could tell since I didn't know how to take a shot, drinking it slowly and sipping the lemon dipped with salt first before actually drinking. Oh well, it was okay. For fun, I got to see my workmates act like drunkards or pretend to be drunk, I really can't tell. I didn't get drunk since I only had two shots of tequila and I only drank a strawberry colada (kind of wimpy of me but really fucking delicious). But I hate it how one shot costs 5 bucks. Wow, expensive and really not worth it. Our bill went up to $180.00 because of just fucking 14 shots (which cost 70 dollars). We had to divide the payment of the bill to the five of us and I had to pay 34 dollars for my share when I only had two shots, fuck.

I need to get out more.

After them talking about a gay workmate who apparently loves men with big cocks...
Person A: "Aanhin naman niya yun? Anong gagawin niya kung malaki man?" (What is he going to do with it if they do have big dicks?")
Person B: "Ewan ko nga e. Dati, tinanong ko sa boyfriend ko paano nag-sesex ang dalawang lalake. Sabi niya, nag-eespadahan." (I don't know, I asked my boyfriend once how do guys have sex with each other. Then he said, they do it in a sword combat-like manner.")

Of course, I'm just paraphrasing here but that's basically what they said. Then, they remember of my "gay presence" there and didn't want to offend me (imagine how people talk about it behind my back then) and then ask me if I have done it or if I was still a virgin (which I unfortunately still am).

I just hate how people can be so fucking ignorant of homosexuality. Then again, we are all ignorant of cultures different to ours. People can unawarely and cluelessly say things in front of me that actually offend me. I just try to smile and go along with it when I know I should be saying something. I just keep hearing shit coming out from others and I just keep bottling it up. It's enough that I have to deal with homophobic slurs (usually not directed to me but still quite offensive) everyday.
 

Gay men have their Dorothy. Black men have their Shaft and Sweetback. And all men have their James Bond.

Notice how women don't have their versions of James Bond. Men get to have their own icons, strong kick-ass guys they can look up to and inspire or just dream to be. They have Rambo,  Indiana Jones, Rocky,  Superman (and most alpha-male and macho characters), most of Arnold Schwarzenegger's characters, almost every character depicted by Marlon Brando especially his character in The Godfather, etc., all of them not exactly very positive images to look up to: misogynist, womanizing, very violent and hot-tempered, masculine, homophobic and/or macho. Sure, women have their Ripley (of Alien), Clarice Starling (Silence of the Lambs), Thana (Ms. 45) , Coffy, Foxy Brown, Cleopatra Jones, and Lady Snowblood but they aren't really icons, not that well-known, and very few and paling in comparison to James Bond, his "cool" style, his appalling popularity with the mainstream audience, and his dreadfully countless movies and merchandise. And the Charlie's Angels are not enough. And next to those kick-ass women, they have the icons that are the likes of Dorothy of The Wizard of Oz and Marilyn Monroe. Eek. Oh God, help me.

The petals of the beautiful tulips on our small garden in front of our home are now falling after the short blossom of those tulips that lasted for only 2 weeks or so :(.

Yehey for the 1.5x pay yesterday because it was a holiday yesterday (Victoria Day). But I was so pissed off working at McDonalds yesterday. I was working at the lobby, that's why. I had wanted to just call in sick but I thought that I sure could use some of that 54 dollars I could earn by just working for 4 hours even if working at the lobby is always a pain in the butt, listening to annoying people conversing while eating, cleaing those inconsiderate pigs' messes on the top of their tables, dealing with customers' stupid and shallow complaints, etc. People really have no consideration, such pigs, just leaving their messy trays on their tables when it's actually their responsibility to also keep the public place clean and throw their food at the nearby garbage bins (They don't need to walk far to just throw them, you know) while I had to clean everything at the lobby all by myself. I half-regretted my decision of coming in to work but at the end of the day, I was just glad that I had been done with it all.

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SUIKODEN VI! SUIKODEN VI! When will you ever be released? It's been three years since the release of Suikoden VI and there has been no news about it, not even about which game console will it be released in. I mean, video game fans like being teased. Even with just some screenshots, a short clip of a battle scene to show the game's gameplay, or just a short yet eye-grabbing trailer. It wouldn't really hurt their sales if they just tried to please their fans (including me of course). That's how Final Fantasy is so famous, even amongst non-avid video gamers. Sure, they take a long time to create a new game but they know how to satisfy their fans with their flashy trailers and shit, and I think they plan to continue until they reach Final Fantasy 50th(?). I am really more of a Suikoden fan, having played Suikoden I-V and its spin-offs Suikoden Tactics and Suikoden Tierkreis. And Suikoden has more kick-ass women than Final Fantasy. Cathari, Lucretia, Kika, Sierra, Wakaba, Nei, anyone? Odessa! Why weren't you a Star of Destiny and why did you have to die? You would have made Suikoden I greater if you were a SoD, huhuhu.

Yes, true, I volunteer from 8:00 to 4:00 am. I know, that's eight hours of working yet not getting paid, not that the stuff I do is complicated stuff that I need to get paid for it. But I don't actually use that whole time volunteering. I get a 1-hour lunch break and sometimes, I abuse their kindness by having a 2-hour lunch break :P, not that they complain or have any problems with it. And most of the time, I just wait for them to give me some stuff to do since they're usually busy and haven't prepared any tasks for me to do, which is honestly annoying since I could do something else better and more interesting with my time. Of course, they wouldn't trust a volunteer, one who has no real work experience, to help with their accounting/financial stuff so I am usually asked to do the simplest tasks that hinder them from dealing them with their main work (checking the mileage, recording entries that were billed, filing, photocopying papers, faxing, etc.).

Awww, I miss sleeping late, waking up late, bumming out, just watching movies/TV series episodes or playing video games, and jerking off everyday during vacation. Now I only get to do those things less and I do still sleep late yet I still have to wake up very early because most of my time is wasted (Yes, you heard me, wasted) on work and volunteering. What a wonderful vacation!

For laughs, I am listening to You Sexy Thing right now XD. I believe in miracles since you came along, you sexy thing XD.

I wanted to blog earlier but I kept postponing it. And two weeks ago, I got really sick. I had a high fever for a couple of days but had irritating cold and cough for the whole week. This also had to happen when I went to the dentist for a surgery to remove my wisdom teeth. So basically, I was feeling cold, I had to eat it ice cream to numb the pain on my teeth but I also needed to eat warmer food for my fever and cold even though I was not capable of eating solid food for a couple of days because of the wisdom teeth operation, and I was not supposed to eat anything cold since I did have cold and cough. And my teeth was bleeding for a day or so.

While I was having a lot of phlegm on my throat and a serious cough, I watched Sick: The Life and Death of Bob Flanagan, Supermasochist. Oh boy, that is an awesome documentary film. I couldn't help but think that my illness of the moment wasn't as serious as Bob Flanagan's sickness had been. I shouldn't feel so sorry for myself all the time.

Even though Bob Flanagan is a masochist and loves doing all sorts of eccentric, or rather unconventional, sexual activities with his partner, Sheree Rose, who inflicts the pain on him and dominates him (Bob being peed on, beeing pooped on, and hammering a nail on his penis and pulling it off afterwards causing the penis to bleed afterwards to name a few =O), I really thought that Flanagan was likable. Sometimes, you can't just look at the screen as they show some of the activities they do (the most painful-to-watch and unbearable scene is when he hammers a nail on his penis and a piece of wood and even describing it makes me flinch) because we can feel the pain that Flanagan is willing and pleased to endure.

But you can get through those scenes because of how Bob Flanagan took sadomasochism lightly with his hilarious and truthful jokes about it that he shares to others such as his fellow masochists. He shared his journal that was a record of his daily sexual activities with his partner, and in the end of the movie, he shares a poem about the countless reasons why he is a masochist.

It is ironic how he has survived all those unhealthy, dangerous, and painful sexual activities (all the physical pain his wife has inflicted upon him) and that instead a serious illness would be the cause of his untimely death.

I have no social life right now. I don't socialize much with the people at the financial area of the hospital where I volunteer in, not even with my co-volunteer or the ones I sit with at the office. In my defense, they are older than me and there's a generation gap :P and I only get to see the other volunteer once a week since she volunteers only twice a week. Sure, some small talk here and there (which is quite unbearable for me) but nothing more than that. The same goes for my co-workers at McDonalds. I don't know, I've really tried socializing with others but I'm really not a friendly and social person. And most of my co-workers bore me. I mean, what else can we talk about besides work? And I can tell we have nothing in common. The only social life I have, if I do have one, would be my conversations with my family during dinner, movie time every Friday and/or Saturday night, etc.

I can't even get around to calling Ana and Demi so we can meet again after not seeing each other for months, go out wherever and just talk about what has been going on with our lives lately (not that anything much has changed in my life) because of laziness. I feel lazy enough to go to work or to volunteer.

I just saw a man jump in front of an approaching subway train last Wednesday. Until now, I actually have no idea if the man who jumped actually got hit by the train or whether he died or just got injured after that incident since I was walking at the same direction as the approaching train. And everything was so quick as the train tried to slow down when it was too late and a middle-aged man suddenly screamed as he covered his ears and walked quickly away from the platform. Of course, I just stood there as, despite how selfish this might sound, I really needed to go to school for my last and most important exam. The TTC workers asked us all to quickly leave the platform, and I had to go to school by bus. But I wasn't actually late since I had planned to go to school an hour early to fully prepare myself for the exam.

Of course, everyone didn't complain about being late for work or school and all, which is what we usually do when we're late because of public transportation, especially after what just happened. Of course, while I was riding the bus, I couldn't concentrate that much on studying especially after what I saw. But I guess I forgot about the whole thing once the exam started since I was just worrying about finishing the whole exam within two hours (Our teacher is sadistic as he puts a lot of material in the exam and expects us to finish it all within the two hours that we only have).

I think the man who jumped in front of the train was really trying to kill himself since he jumped as soon as the train passed by. I am guess ing that these kinds of things (suicide attempts) usually happen at the subway.

Even though I love watching the classics (both Hollywood and foreign), I am not a conservative person who misses the old-fashioned values. I just think that being a film snob buff and all, I should watch all kinds of films, from the 1910s to the present, from the silent films to the film noir to the musicals to the arthouse films to the cult films to the most recent films. Watching only films from the years 1990s and 2000s is boring; there's not much variety and diversity. And watching only Casablanca doesn't mean you have seen everything that films have to offer either. Although it has its fair share of hits and misses, I still do think that Hollywood hasn't been the same as before especially compared to its Golden Age.

Even if I love a lot of old classics, not only from Hollywood but also from other countries, I still feel annoyed whenever I see stereotypical depictions and misrepresentations of women and minorities in film. But then again, even though we live in modern times where women and men are treated equally (or so they say but I don't agree from what I see in the media and society) and where visible minorities are treated equally, I still see that Hollywood (as well as the media in general) is still guilty of its bigoted, prejudiced, and narrow-minded beliefs (Remember the psychotic working woman in Fatal Attraction?) even though it might not be as obvious as before (i.e. the blackface acts that people back then thought were entertaining and women being portrayed as mere housewives and secretaries).

I should complain for having only two shifts a week at McDonald's. They just hire more employees and let us all have 1-2 shifts a week. That doesn't make sense. That only just pays for bills, in my case my weekly routine of renting DVDs. At this rate, I won't be able to save money and I would only be able to spend money I earn each week on renting DVDs for each week. It's a good thing that my parents don't let me pay for my own transportation expenses (I get to use the family's monthly Metropass most of the time) even though I sometimes pay for my sister's weekly allowance.

If I weren't volunteering 32 hours a week (!), they would probably give me more shifts and I would be able to work more and earn more.

The way I write is so... uptight. That's why I am incapable of writing any poems. Sure, I can write with only a few unnoticeable grammatical errors. Sure, I am capable of getting my point across the audience but my writing doesn't serenely flow, like a river. It isn't smooth and carefree; it's so structured. I think it should be more effortless. I think too much when I write; I should just let the feelings flow. It's like I keep watching what I do when it should be more natural to me by now.

Along with the other movies this week when I am supposed to be studying instead, I just watched the film Offside directed by Jafar Panahi. And after watching it, all I can say is "Wow!" Even as the movie criticizes how women are not allowed to watch men's sports games in the country of Iran (and vice versa), the film has a feel-good ending, giving us hope as both women and men celebrate the entry of Iran to the World Cup in the game of soccer and the win of Iran against Bahrain.

The women who are big fans of soccer and try to pretend to be men just to enter the stadium (even the soldiers especially the man who is so worried about his family, farm, cattle, etc.) are so lovable and the movie deeply moving. They just want to go watch the games as big fans of soccer but they are not allowed on the grounds that the men will just physically abuse them and the women will just hear the men swearing and using unpleasant words. Like the men, the women just want to support their country and show their deep love for the game of soccer. Jafar Panahi also directs another film that criticizes the treatment of Iranian women in Iran.

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Daniel Day-Lewis is so hot even when playing an obnoxious character in A Room with a View.

Whenever I watch period dramas (there is more to the genre of period drama than just Pride and Prejudice and Jane Austen's works, you know), I always keep thinking how did people back in those periods amuse themselves. Shouldn't they be bored to death without movies, TV, and other kinds of entertainment? I keep wondering what if I was born during those eras. No movies!? No TV!? No video games!? And no Internet!? Then again, they still have the operas, the theater, novels, cabarets and sports and I wouldn't even perceive of the idea of TVs, movies and whatnot since they still didn't exist back then unless of course I was a prodigy in the fields of technology. But of course, I think I spend too much time bumming around and watching movies so I can't imagine surviving without movies and all even though there are other ways to kill time and enjoy oneself.

If I were born in the 19th century, I think I would be fed up with the pretensions of the bourgeoisie, their conservatism, gossiping, self-indulgence, etiquette, proper manners and dreadful social parties. And the duels? What a ridiculous practice even for back then? Whenever one feels that their honor has been disgraced, they allow one to have duels with the person who has disgraced them to the point of killing someone?! Dignity my ass.

Why is he straight? :(

I just confirmed that he is as straight as an arrow. I guess I knew it all along. I just kept hoping even though he really acts masculine and calls me 'tol (I hate it when they call me 'tol or pare; I am not one of the guys and I want a more affectionate term to call me XD). I didn't ask him if he's straight or not or anything like that as he has no idea I'm gay. I just saw his picture of a girl in his cellphone, who I sadly assume is his girlfriend. Down the drain goes my chances, huh, as if I really had a chance in the first place. Oh well. Unlike with other guys, I somehow feel so comfortable around him. I just feel like a child again, getting mad when I don't get to talk to him or don't get to see him and feeling pleasure whenever I smell that masculine perfume of his.

Oh, I'm feeling horny again, just at the thought of him :P.

I am screwed. Hopefully, I get at least a 60 percent mark in Financial Accounting. I don't expect to get a B- anymore since that professor is such a sadistic asshole. The chances of me getting a 70 have gone since the assignment (which most professors just give as giveaways where we can get a chance to gain easy marks) is so hard. That professor is such an uptight man despite the fact that he jokes and goofs around in class. He is so uptight even when it comes to quizzes. Ugh, I am really so pissed off. I just can't wait until my last exam on Wednesday (which is my Financial Accounting exam) is over so I don't have to worry about anything else for the next four months besides volunteering.

I really should update this journal every now and then to put my paid account into full use.

I copied Jessica Zafra's idea that she used in some of her columns. http://jessicarulestheuniverse.com/2009/03/27/movies-in-3-lines/

1. Her psycho fan dies.
She goes bonkers for no cause.
Boring agony.

2. Rookie loses gun.
Gun used by others for crime.
Rookie blames himself.

3. Gay love in prison.
Dance, smoke, caress one’s body.
Genet’s only film.

4. Irksome guy takes case.
Finds evil box with weird content.
Pretentious film noir.

5. Boys go to see Lola.
Old hypocrite falls for her.
He becomes sad. Hah!

6. Dog kills his owner.
Witches cause more gruesome deaths.
Grand Technicolor.

7. Father cheats on wife.
Son follows father’s footsteps.
Wilder’s doing bad.

8. Street children with guns.
Corrupt cops, drugs, muggings.
Not on DVD :(.

9. Friends plot a murder.
Strong friendship turns to madness.
What were they thinking?

10. Couple on the run.
Bonnie and Clyde’s a rip-off.
Farley Granger’s hot.

11. Hepburn’s off to Venice.
A romantic fantasy.
Brief Encounter-esque.

12. Reggae song’s a hit.
When singer turns murderer.
Jamaican cult fun.

13. Black woman finds mom.
Turns out her mother is white.
I cried, watching this.

14. Fat girl has cute sis.
Sis’ boyfriend is an asshole.
So is the fat girl.

15. Gay man is blackmailed.
One of early gay-themed films.
Dirk Bogarde’s gorgeous.

16. Guy films tortured girls.
British answer to Psycho.
A fucked-up movie.

17. Love affair in Japan.
Starts with lovely body shots.
With some real footage.

18. Circus “freaks” are mad.
Bland people make fun of them.
Justified revenge.

Movies:
1. Opening Night
2. Stray Dog
3. Un Chant D’amour
4. Kiss Me Deadly
5. The Blue Angel
6. Suspiria
7. Avanti!
8. Pixote
9. Heavenly Creatures
10. They Live By Night
11. Summertime
12. The Harder They Come
13. Secrets & Lies
14. Fat Girl
15. Victim
16. Peeping Tom
17. Hiroshima Mon Amour
18. Freaks

I really have nothing better else to do XD.

My sister told me that the phrase "by the way" is blasphemous. I don't see how.

With the tuxedo suit that I am wearing right now, I feel like I am going to a prom or a wedding ceremony, and not to an interview. It's these friggin' shoulder pads. I think this suit is too much even for a formal interview. I can't help but blush when someone in my classroom asks me if I have been to a wedding or something. After she found out that I have gone to an interview, she said I looked nice in the suit but I can't help but wonder if she is deep down laughing out loud at how ridiculous my outfit is just for going to class or if she is really saying the truth.

I was supposed to have a job interview today. It's for a volunteer placement at the Toronto Western Hospital but my interview was cancelled. I was even so worried that I was five minutes late for the interview when the man in the Volunteer Resources (who was so kind and considerate, by the way) said to me that my interview was cancelled. I even cried when I knew I was going to be late >_<. I was partly disappointed since I wanted to get the interview done with even though I was planning to just wing the interview but I was also partly relieved since they wouldn't have a bad impression of me because of me being late.

Gosh, I look like one of those men who would just suddenly come up to you at public places, just interrupt you while you're reading or even talking to someone else,  and ask you questions like "Do you know that God loves you?" that if you give any kind of answer, they will suddenly preach about their own religions (more or less, questions that I don't know how to properly answer without offending them because they are certainly not going to be pleased with my answer for the question "Do you know that God loves you?"). Yes, those people whom we would awkwardly try hard to avoid. Oh, I just realized that I don't know what they are called. Preachers? XD

I don't know if this is really true but I read in a blog (and I also tried to make sure by checking other blogs by searching at Google) that the film The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is going to get the Criterion Collection treatment. I am kind of shocked since that's not the type of film that they would normally include in their (sometimes exceptional but also sometimes pretentious and snobbish) group of films. Then again, what would you expect from them if they included in their exclusive set of films the movies The Armaggedon and The Rock O_O.

You must admit that not all Criterion Collection films are great. I felt empty and displeased after watching Grey Gardens, I Know Where I'm Going!, Shock Corridor, Fat Girl and A Woman is a Woman. And I think The Marriage of Maria Braun (I love Fassbinder's films but I really disliked this one), The Leopard, The Rules of the Game and Tokyo Story are overrated films.

Did you guys watch the Oscars this year? I know I'm really late in talking about this but I've just gone back to blogging so just bear with me. Hugh Jackman's dancing, along with his sense of humor, is just a turn-on <3. Hugh Jackman danced to musical numbers from the movies Top Hat, Grease, Moulin Rouge!, Chicago, The Wizard of Oz, and Mamma Mia! (Let's just pretend that they didn't even sing to a song from High School Musical 0_o). He dances so good that that just makes him hotter.

The fact that he's good at both singing and dancing is surprising to people who only know him from the movies Wolverine and Kate and Leopold and to me a few weeks before the Oscars who had just found out that he acts in a couple of Broadway musicals, The Boy from Oz being his most famous and most successful one where he stars as Peter Allen, an Australian singer and songwriter and a flamboyant gay man who has been Liza Minnelli's husband.

Still no news at all about Suikoden VI?! It's been three years since the release of Suikoden V, and there is still no news about Suikoden VI, not even about the date of its release or about the game console as to where it can be played. Hopefully, it will be PSP, if not PS2. I know that I haven't played a RPG game in a while since the only game that I am really looking forward to is Suikoden VI. And I don't think there will be a video game as fun as Suikoden VI but then again, I haven't played that many games to be able to say if this is really true nor have I tried a lot of different RPG game franchises other than Final Fantasy, Tales, Wild Arms, Breath of Fire, Golden Sun, etc.

I should be killed and suffer a slow death for my sin of constantly listening to Lady GaGa's songs >_<.

I am back (as if anyone cares XD). I think I noticed some of my LJ friends have deleted me from their friends list. I don't blame them. I haven't been active at LiveJournal for, what, 4-5 months. It's all because of Plurk. It's easier to blog for about one to two sentences than write an entire post. Of course, I could just post an entry that has a couple of sentences, images, etc. here everyday but that's just not my style :P. I also decided to just delete my account at Plurk to go back to blogging. Of course, I could have just kept it inactive without deleting it just to keep some online memories XD but I didn't like the thought of my karma points going down to zero.

I was planning to use my portable DVD player (which is pretty useless when used at the train or at the bus since the sound of the moving train or bus overpowers the sound coming from my earphones 0_o) and watch a movie since I still have two hours before my next class but I suddenly decided that I should go back to blogging at LiveJournal. I kind of missed blogging.

I am having another one of my fantasies and I can't keep giggling at the thought of it. I am afraid that if I keep thinking about it, it won't come true. I don't want to keep my hopes up anymore. And I also don't want to mention it to anyone else or even write about it here because, like I said, I don't want to hope too much for nothing. If there were only any hints...

I am in love with couple-on-the-run-films. It should be a new genre: couple on the run genre XD. But then again, only a few crime films have that kind of storyline. Only examples I can think of right off the bat right now are the movies Gun Crazy, They Live By Night, You Only Live Once, The Living End, Thelma and Louise, and the most famous of them all, Bonnie and Clyde (all of which are my favorites, except You Only Live Once, which is great but not on my top list).

"I've been kicked around all my life, and from now on, I'm gonna start kicking back." ~Annie of Gun Crazy~

The basic storyline that these movies follow are that the couple has a close bond (usually a romantic relationship), one of the pair or both of them have committed a serious crime (usually murder or stealing) and they plan to go away from their normal lives and just take a run for it, run from the law, and go to a faraway place and live their lives to the fullest with the money they have.

If we were to think psychologically why I love those kinds of films, maybe it's because deep down, I fantasize of escaping from society, not exactly being uncivilized but not being a part of it with its expectations it has for every one of us and the obligations that one has to society. I probably dream of being a real rebel, being kind of like a menace to the authorities and the society. And while I am on the run, I might as well have someone with me. It would be the two of us against the world. Nothing else is important; only our love for each other is the important thing and we couldn't care less for society. It's a fantasy, something you think about but usually don't do anything about it. Isn't that a wonderful fantasy? Just being with the one you love and care for the most and not caring about society's expectations from you?

I hate it so much when people promise to call later when they don't. Why the heck say you're going to call later when you won't? Or maybe, I am just making a big issue out of something small. I guess I just miss talking to my best friend, Ana. I haven't seen her since December and I haven't talked to her for a while now. Gosh, I miss her :(. I didn't even get to see her during our one-week break but I guess I didn't call her then because I wanted her to be the first to call >_<.

I am thinking of switching my LJ account to a paid account. I want more userpics :P. And having a paid account would surely make me update here more XD.

Aww, I am going to miss Deny, a friend of mine who has just gone to Alberta yesterday. I only have a few close friends here, and one of them has just gone to the other side of Canada :(. She is the one I used to talk to about different kinds of stuff such as anime, movies, etc. during Grade 12 since she was my seatmate during Family Studies and Calculus and one of my companions during lunch. Too bad, she wasn't able to come last Friday but it was kind of her fault. The last time we had been able to hang out was last Wednesday when we decided to go downtown. Hay naku, Deny *sighs*. I hope she comes back to Toronto next year during vacation. My most memorable moments with Deny? The one-equals-zero moment. The juicy-lips moment. And the hey-you-touched-my-private-part incident. Hahaha XD.

I hate it when a person promises to call you, then he or she completely forgets about it, and then I keep waiting for his or her call like an idiot. Of course, I feel ashamed to call the person first since the person has said that he or she will do it. That happened to me two times this week from the same person. Ugh, it's really annoying. I didn't even get to hang out with her this week because of that. And the fact that she doesn't call me first makes me feel like she's trying to avoid me or something like that. I am the one who had to call her first but maybe, I guess she really is busy with work and school stuff but it still makes me think if I did something rude the last time we were together.

I don't want to be a drag or a party pooper but I have never been a fan of Halloween. But then again, I hate all made-up holidays. I also think one should know when is it finally time to stop trick-or-treating. I think once you hit your 20's or even when you're still 18 or 19, you should probably stop the yearly ritual of asking for candies from neighbors whom you rarely showed politeness, kindness and hospitality towards. It's now your turn to give the tooth-decaying candies and sweets to the kids. Because guess what? It's not cute to see a bunch of teenagers who are oversized for their childish costumes asking for sweets from neighbors anymore. It's only adorable when you were a kid. It's okay if you're accompanying children but don't use the children as an excuse to go trick-or-treating though. Time to get out of that Batman or Wonderwoman outfit.

All actors who are capable of and comfortable with portraying gay characters are real men, and that also goes for actresses playing lesbian characters. Only a real man or woman won't feel awkward when kissing another person of the same sex, whether straight or not. To actors who can't even accept a gay/lesbian role, they are not only homophobes but they are also unwilling to try different, daring and versatile roles, something that they aren't used to and can't relate to that much, which shows that they don't have what it takes to act.

Javier Bardem and Johnny Depp in the film Before Night Falls

Only great actors are capable of playing gay/lesbian, bi and transexual characters. Daniel Day-Lewis (There Will Be Blood) has played a gay neo-fascist with a secret relationship with a young Pakistani man in the film My Beautiful Laundrette. Javier Bardem (No Country For Old Men) has portrayed Reinaldo Arenas, a gay Cuban poet, in a biographical film Before Night Falls. Meryl Streep (Kramer vs. Kramer) has played a lesbian book editor in the film The Hours. Hilary Swank has portrayed Brandon Teena, a transexual man who was raped and murdered by his friends after they have found out that he had female sex organs, in the tragic and heartbreaking film Boys Don't Cry. Antonio Banderas has portrayed a obsessed and psychotic gay character in Almodovar's Law of Desire and the boyfriend of a man who has been stricken with AIDS in the film Philadelphia. Felicity Huffman has portrayed a transexual woman who is about to undergo a sex change when she finds out that she has a son in the film Transamerica. Russell Crowe (A Beautiful Mind) has played a gay man who has a close bond and a healthy relationship with his father in the Australian film The Sum of Us.

Add me @ Plurk. Hehe. Plurk is this website where users can posts their current status or mood (like in Facebook), or just shoutouts (like in Friendster). It is kind of simple and there's not much left to do besides updating your status and profile but it can be better if you have more friends there who regularly update and whose plurks you can respond to so accept my invite and add me as a friend. I feel lonely, and Catherine (my friend who referred me to Plurk) is still my only friend there :(.

Gosh, I still can't download movies from the computer downstairs since that PC has no Internet and I don't want to fill the memory space of the new computer. And my movie watchlist is just increasing day by day XD.

Does anyone still have a VHS? I need one, haha. The nearby public library has a bookshelf full of great movies, and these films are unfortunately in the VHS format. Why did we have to throw our old VHS just because it isn't "trendy" anymore and we have to welcome the new? Why don't they sell the old stuff anymore even for just such a cheap price in electronics stores? By the next decade, they probably wouldn't sell DVDs anymore, or at least would sell them in limited amounts, and we would, with no other choice, have to buy Blu-Rays instead. It's so sad, it's just beyond our control. Do we really need to get rid of the old for the new, the latest and most innovative stuff? Because there really isn't much of a difference between VHS and DVD and between DVD and Blu-Ray. And pretty soon no matter what happens and no matter how new and innovative the products are, someone somewhere is still going to find a way to make pirated copies of original and costly movies and TV series. They should have figured that out by now.

My best friend and I finally went out together last Saturday since it's already our midterm break, intersession week or whatever. We just met last week but it has still been a long time since we hanged out together.

Anyway, we went to our friend's house because she invited Ana. And even though I wasn't personally invited, I still went with her XD. We ate ice cream cake and cheesecake (These kinds of stuff make me forget that I am trying so hard not to eat a lot) and watched a Russell Peters stand-up show. I must admit, Russell Peters is funny. Although I am sure most of you already know about him, for those who don't know him, Peters is a Canadian comedian of Indian heritage whose jokes are mostly racial and mostly referring to his heritage. He also makes fun of other races and cultures as he is totally capable of imitating stereotypical accents of others. I just can't believe he gets away with most of his jokes. Then again, most comedians get away with theirs no matter how offensive, discriminatory or insulting they are. But I don't think that the guy's ignorant. He is aware of the racial stereotypes and doesn't reinforce them at all. He just makes fun of the stereotypes.

But, you know what, I agree with my sister. I like comedians who talk more about random stuff and who don't always refer to their own or others' culture, gender, nationality, sexual orientation, etc. or to the things they hate in their own personal relationships for their jokes because those jokes can get old and repetitive sometimes, not to mention offensive to other people who belong to the groups that the comedians make fun of sometimes. Humor can be universal, just plainly about random stuff and rants about little things. I am not saying that all jokes should be clean but you can tell that comedians are great ones when they are capable of joking about other things besides their personal identity and their personal relationships.

Something random, there are exactly three little glow-in-the-dark stars up on the ceiling of my bedroom. I'm guessing they're from the one who used to stay in my room, definitely a kid. Haha, we also used to have glow-in-the-dark stickers in our rooms too when we were still kids. We had gotten those stickers from, I think, those cereal boxes; they're those free stuff from cereal boxes. Thinking of glow-in-the-dark stickers, for some reason I suddenly remember those slimy green stuff, each with a different toy inside, that comes in small plastic containers and that feels icky on your hands. And after thinking of those stuff, I am suddenly reminded of my childhood.

Basically, my childhood can be summed up to Happy Meal toys, chewy White Rabbit candies with edible plastic wrappers, my beloved puppet monkey, trying to learn Tagalog, stuffed toys instead of toy cars, jackstones, lying on the duyan, Disney films and cartoons, The Secret Garden, playing teks and always losing my teks to my neighbors, those butterfly accessories girls in my school used to wear which I secretly wanted to have too, cheesy fries, touch ball/dodge ball, Mulan, those creepy Barbie dolls of my sister scaring the shit out of me, playing bahay-bahayan by myself, enviously watching the girls play Chinese garter, being made fun of and teased by my other classmates, scribbling and sketching, pretending to have crushes on my female classmates, trashy melodramas and soap operas, sleepovers with my cousins, playing sungka upstairs in that little attic, feeling lonely during recess and after dismissal, Ghostfighter (Yuyu Hakusho), Akazukin Chacha and Sailormoon on TV, Candy Corner sweets, early access to Internet porn, feeling attracted to my male classmates, Sometimes, I just miss the sweet old days. Sometimes, I just miss the innocence and naivety that comes with being a child.

This post made much more sense in my head, haha, but I think you get the idea, that I suddenly reminisce and feel nostalgia after seeing those glow-in-the-dark stickers in my room.

Notice how most of my closest friends are female? Notice how I only have a handful of male friends whom I am really close to? Yup, I don't feel comfortable or I can't seem to act like myself when I am around only men (or boys, depending on their level of maturity). I prefer being around a lot of women over being a lot of men, I feel more comfortable talking and socializing with women. That's why I don't like being friends with an all-male group. I guess I am not capable of dealing with or interacting well with the same sex (a reason why I'm still friggin' single). If there are a couple of guys around in our group, it's fine with me as long as I have a female companion.

Before I came out, there were a bunch of moments where I had to hang out with all of the guys in our group, and I really felt uncomfortable and weirded out. They seemed to notice too since they noticed that I was quiet around them and I seldomly talked. I only felt like myself whenever we were watching anime and playing video games (Smash Bros., woohoo! That was fun even though I kept losing). Those were my only common interests with them back then. After I came out, I have been used to not hanging out with all the guys anymore, which is quite a relief if I think about it, and if I did hang out with some, there were other women around. I guess the oh-so-straight guys aren't okay with my sexuality or maybe we just aren't that close, huh? When I am with the women, I feel more relaxed and I can say and do whatever what I want to say without feeling awkward.

With straight guys, I can't relate at all and I also don't like the way they speak when there are no women around. Straight guys can talk about sex in an immature and disgusting way (as if sex is only "fucking", not out of love and intimacy) and are forced to act and talk all masculinely, afraid of coming off as touchy-feely or sensitive, when among themselves. And the thing I hate the most is that when they are together, guys can also say the most offensive and most insulting jokes, usually homophobic and sexist. And trust me when I say that men are worse gossipers than women. But of course, I'm just generalizing so it doesn't apply to all men.

But now that I think about it, I need to hang out with more gay men. At least, they would be more comfortable to hang out with and, unlike others, they wouldn't convince me that I just haven't met the right woman or that there is a possibility that I am bisexual. That'd be such a good idea if only I wasn't shy at all and was such a social butterfly or if I at least personally knew some of them.

Yes, I am finally done with my midterm exams. It's really a good thing that I only had two midterm exams. Now I can feel more relaxed even though I am afraid of my test results. And I can't afford looking back to notes and to the book to see if the answers that I am unsure of are correct or not because it might just simply make me feel worse. I don't want to get my hopes up too but I still hope that I do get satisfactory grades.

I am amused by the game Rockband. It's so fun to play with, especially when using the drums. I prefer the drums over the bass, guitar and the singing since I have hard time playing the guitar (I am not used with the buttons and to me, it's hard knowing where the buttons are while looking at the screen too). And singing is easier here. You just have to know the song, and even if you haven't heard the song before, you just have to make your pitch right even if you get the lyrics and the tune wrong. My siThe songs are also awesome. Reptilia by The Konks? I'm So Sick by Flyleaf? I Think I'm Paranoid by Garbage? Dani California by Red Hot Chili Peppers? When You Were Young by The Killers? Welcome Home by Coheed and Cambria? What I tell you, awesome.

As of now, I have watched 95 films of IMDB's top 250 films. But the list constantly changes, depending on the ratings of its users. I have realized that most of the films in the list are along the lines of "arthouse crap", "so-called timeless and wholesome classics", "testosterone-driven films by men about men for men", and "mainstream Hollywood action/drama shit". Mind you, I like a lot of the films in the mentioned list, even some of the old classics and Hollywood stuff, but I think the list doesn't have much variety and diversity and are usually plain and wholesome films that are non-threatening to the average white straight male audience (obviously the majority of the movie-going population). And the fact that those movies are in this list and are considered "great films" by almost everyone makes it more likely that people who plan to watch those movies will have a biased opinion about the films and will be forced to give them a high rating. Just because it's elitist to think otherwise. Notice the hint of sarcasm there. There are only a few foreign films in the list (such as City of God, Oldboy and Hayao Miyazaki movies), and most of them are the most accessible ones. Not one single film from the list is directed by a woman or made to please female audiences. Amelie? Juno? Not really, despite the fact that the protagonists are female. Not one single film in the list has themes of homosexuality, bisexuality or transexuality. The closest would probably be either Little Miss Sunshine or Rope, which has subtle homoerotic themes. Some of the films in the list are overrated and pretentious (i.e. Donnie Darko and The Usual Suspects). And most of the movies are from the same directors such as Alfred Hitchcock, Stanley Kubrick, Francis Ford Coppola, and Billy Wilder. Not even Lost in Translation, Chungking Express, Brokeback Mountain, Do The Right Thing, or All About My Mother (which are all great films liked by both critics and cinephiles) is in the list. I smell a conspiracy here.